Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar. Several occupants leave as they realise the danger of the large animal.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Banana Bananas can't talk.

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You have a birthday party and invite 5 celebrities: Britney spears, Lady Gaga, Hulk Hogan, Barack Obama, and Oprah. Meanwhile, there is a cow in a nearby pasture pooping.

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You're so fat, that a picture of you fell off the wall.

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What do you get when you cross a train track and a bumpy feild, Further along on your GPS map.

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You know what they say about men with big feet? Big penis.

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Ask me if i am a tree? "Are you a tree" No.

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2 black men beat 9 white men in basketball. Why is this so? They were clearly out numbered.

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What do you call a black guy who is a lifeguard An African American male who puts his safety before others

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Your mama's p*ssy is so stank, she should probably consult her physician as she may have an easily treatable infection.

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So heres a scenario. You and your twin brother are Siamese twins. You are straight and your brother is gay. Your bother has a friend come over. You only have one butt....

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Look whos talking Matt Critchley

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Well... At that time everyone expected that the only people that knew hypnosis where either "born with the gift from the stars" or was some old beard man that spent "hundreds of years in the mountains".or a wizard or a shamanic priest, or well some guy in a particular stupid suit of sorts, it increased its potency simple as that, as having people stare at me and laugh because "You are not some beardy guru master" is a pretty bad start for the effective use of mass hypnosis. Mono-ideoism actually just means really concentrated focus on a single object or state of mind, the thing about the name (aside from sounding kinda mono-idiotic) is that strong focus alone does NOT lead to a state of relaxation which is one of the prime requirements to achieve a state of trance, I mean try focusing on something really hard and your body produces a huge amount of beta waves, aka stress. All of that is bullshit, but my horrible childhood did leave me with the "gift" to space out pretty quickly, so I learned it pretty fast without really knowing what it was at first.

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I don't know about anybody else, but I just watched a part of a My Little Pony episode, and there's something about them that makes you want to come back and watch more. It's wierd, like mind control. Has anyone noticed this?

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You: I have a question Person: Yes You: Do you have an answer?

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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Gun Control

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What does the cookie monster and the blue man group have in common? They are both homosexually active

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What did the Banana say to the Peach. Nothing, they are incapable of speaking because they are fruit.

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What's the difference between Hitler and Stalin? Nothing because pineapples aren't vegetables.

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What do they call Chinese food in China? Food

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Your mom is so fat she should probably go to her doctor and ask for a prescription of diabetic pills

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what did bob say tothe ugly duckling? your ugly and a duckling

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Life is like swimming. When you drown you die.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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