whats worse than getting a papercut on the tip of your finger? getting crushed by a refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes? Some cans are difficult to open: The little ring bit comes off when you pull it, and then you have to work out a new way to open it, which takes patience and ingenuity.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why was the lady fat. She ate a lot of food.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

whats worse than Brussels sprouts brussels sprouts that has petite vegetation, lack of sun causing mold and placed in a septic tank.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light-bulb? I'm melting!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

There once was a man from Nantucket.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you say when a black girl asks you out? No!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did Cody sit in the corner? Because his daddy didn't love him. #DaddyDoesn'tLoveYouAnymoreChair

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why was the wife not in the kitchen? The husband's gay.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

you want to hear a joke? the goverment.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What do you call a man covered in magnets? Attractive

thumb_up thumb_down -38

What's red and invisible? No Tomatoes

thumb_up thumb_down -44

What goes about 36 miles per hour and screams? A baby attached to a ceiling fan.

thumb_up thumb_down -102

Roses are grey Violets are grey Everything is grey I'm color blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +161

You don't need to know a girls period schedule. Just look in the garbage.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Knock knock Who's there? The police. Your husband has been killed in an accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A Mexican, a Jew and an African walk into a bar. Now, it seem it was the Jew's turn to pay for drinks. So, all three ordered drinks, and the Jew paid for them.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

A: Ask me if I'm a truck. B: Are you a truck? A: No.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Nah, its fine, I just went to get a popsicle, and its square, so don't get any ideas. Honestly? When I first met "some jerk" calling himself Nero here, I began calling myself Nero, because I thought that the jerk that turned out to be you, Nero himself, sigh. was screwing over his own reputation. But now I realize that what makes you who you are, is that you say whats on your mind without going "oh no what will others think about me, what if this or that happens", you accept yourself for who you are, and if the rest do not, well screw them right? As you told me at first and proved to me during our conversations, you respect and value individuality and integrity. And well, you are a guy, you think like a guy (I honestly dont think we girls think that differently, we are simply socially indoctrinated or "engineered" in order to think that we do), I mean let me say something really honest here. Nero, I only dare say this once, so take me seriously I really want you to fuck me, and yeah, I may say that when we meet too, considering I have not even said it yet, just in my head... Anyway, its not something I am insecure about nor ever was and blahblahblah, the end, oh, and yeah, I really want and need a friend like you.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Well, as you know, I have alzheimers and... ... ... ... ... ... Well, as you know, I have alzheimers.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

If frogs weren't alive, there wouldn't be any frogs left on earth.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q : What did Piers tell his friend before leaving ? A : Bye.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: what did the tractor say when helost his farmer? A: wheres my farmer?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops