your mothers so silly she saw a rock and sat on a chair.......?

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What do a Penguin, and your best friend have in common? They'll both die if you shoot them in the head.

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Person 1: Hey Person 2: What's up? Person 1: Kill Yoself Person 2: Alright

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Viking are all fighting over a piece of land. The piece of land was the whole of England and this was the beginning of the Noman conquest in 1066.

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Knock Knock Who's there? the mailman.

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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What did the white guy tell the black guy? You are my equal and, as such, are entitled to the same things I am.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got ran over by a car

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What's sad about 5 black men falling off a cliff? The master has no slaves.

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What's sad about a dead person? He was my friend.

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There once was a man from nantucket. But he moved to California after he won the State lottery.

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "God" "Then come right in!"

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Q:Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? A:He slipped and fell. Q2:Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A2:He was stapled to the first monkey. Q3:Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A3:Peer pressure.

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Yo mama so fat! Really she should get on an exercise program and watch her diet, as she is at higher risk for diabetes and other health issues

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Holy crap it's a talking muffin!

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Why did the fortune cookie taste bad? I forgot to take the wrapper off.

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How do you fit a whale into a truck bed? You can't, whales live in the ocean.

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Jersey Shore

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I added ICE to WKD it was WICKED

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

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What do you call a zebra without stripes? A stripeless zebra.

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Six hats walk out of a garden. When mustard offal fruit paps.

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why cant stephen hawking dance He does not enjoy dancing

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*Knock Knock* "Who's There?" "Delivery" "Oh right, I just ordered pizza"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops