- Anti Joke

how do u get a blonde to stay away from her credit card... i dont know im blonde

how long does it take a meth-head to rob your flat? not long at all, and they'll take everything. they need to, it's an addiction

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’ The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed.. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff. ‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn. Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand. One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled.... And than he shove all the items up his ass

a bumble bee walked into a bar, looking tired and worn out. 'long day, eh?' said the barman. 'yes' replied the bee. 'i was flying along to collect some honey when i noticed a large obstical obstructing me. i stuck my pointy needle in it, and according to legend, i will die in short hours to come' suddenly michael jacksons thriller flicked on in the jukebox, the bumble bee boogied all night long until he slowly passes away in the early hours of the morning. long live boogie bee.

What's worse then having gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe? Having a stick poked in your eye. What's worse then having a stick poked in your eye? Having a nail go through your foot. What's worse then having a nail go through your foot? Having a stick poked in your eye and a nail going through your foot.

Sticks and stones may break my bones... and my pistol will kill you.

How many mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Trick question they cant afford one.

What's red, green, and goes about 200 mph A fire hidrent I lied about the green and the 200 mph

What did the guy say to the blonde? "You're a blonde."

Why did the chicken cross the road? It heard you like to choke the chicken.

Q: What's green and goes through walls? A: A pickle, you just have to throw it really hard.

If an anti joke is told, and it is about an aunty is it an aunty anti joke? Adolf Hitler.

Who lost World War II? The Jews.

What is the difference between a plum and an elephant? One is purple, and not an elephant.

What do you call a white woman that had sex with a black guy? A rape victim.

out of your comfort zone

Why does it take more than one blond to replace a light bulb? Because one had no arms, thus requiring the help of another person. It just so happened that that other person was a blond.

What's something 9/10 people enjoy? A gang rape.

lipstick pig

What's funny? At the exact moment you read this, someone is suffering from domestic abuse.

How do you trap a squirrel? You carefully set up a trap and place acorns in the trap.

Girl: what comes after 69? Boy: 70. Girl: no,toothpaste! Boy: ...

What's the difference between Jew and a bread? Bread does not scream when you put him in oven.

Who is happpier than the grouch about the Zombie Apoclypse? Dora.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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