What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich? A sandwich doesn't scream when I put my salami in it.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he'd would like to make a wager. The bartender replies, "no."

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Q: Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? A: A couple of pigs with questionable carpenter's skills, and maybe Red Riding Hood. Grandma wasn't so lucky.

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What did the doctor say to his wife? We have grown apart over the years, I want a divorce.

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What did the orphan get for christmas........Cancer

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Why did the man have a really short temper? HOW THE **** SHOULD I KNOW???

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm going to murder you Did you look behind you?

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Police say's 'have you been drinking' and you reply back saying 'YES' then the police brings out the blower and you blow, it says on it that you are fine, but then the cops ask you 'what did you drink' and you just say 'well i drank juice for breakfast then had some water, tea, coffee' the cops get really angry but before he says anything you say that ' I AM MUSLIM'

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Knock knock Who's there. Interrupting cow, sorry you can see where this is going, just let me in without asking any more questions please.

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Who has big eyes, big ears, and a big mouth? The witness I'm about to murder so he cannot testify against me. Wish me luck.

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What do you call a black man riding a bicycle? A good citizen who cares about the environment.

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An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" The Irish man looks down at it, dumbfounded. "I have absolutely no idea," he says, and removes it.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? There aren't pineapples in the ocean.

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How many Neurons does a bug have? - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - -- - - - -- - - - - - -It's true

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A: Knock knock B: Who's there? A: A serial killer B: I don't feel comfortable opening the door

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I'm black and I will beat your children. (This is not an anti-joke)

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Why was the chipmunk watching TV? Because a new Family Guy was on.

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An aspiring lawyer walks into a Bar. He will find out if he passed in a few months.

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what do you call a Puerto Rican with no arms? Trust worthy

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How do you get a hot blonde to do your laundry? At knife point.

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what do you get if you put a baby in a microwave? an erection

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple in your worm.

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How is Stevie Wonder like Ray Charles? They are both talented musicians

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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