A man and his friend walk into a bar. The first man says "I'll have some H2O." The second man, quite thirsty, says "I would like some H2O too." The second man dies because the bartender is a serial killer and gave the man the hydrogen peroxide he ordered. The first man is killed with a shovel.

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Yo momma so fat, when she walks she wakes the dead -Ryan Vallee

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What do you call a guy with a car on his head? Immediate identification would not be possible. The man would be referred to by his estimated demographics. Circumstantial evidence and dental reports may be required for identification at which points the family's would be notified. Only after this will the man's name would be released to the media who would in turn report this.

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A guy is at a party and he's really thirsty, so he goes to get a drink. He goes to get some soda, but the line is too long. He goes to get some water, but the line is also too long. He goes to get some punch, and it turns out there's no punch line.

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Your mom is so retard that she needs "special help" from medical professionals. :3 <33

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Q: Wanna hear a dirty joke? A: Your mother sucks.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? That is not nearly as important as how to cure cancer so let's not worry about it.

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What do George Washington, JFK and Hillary Clinton have in common? They've never been to my house.

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Why is facebook ruining all of the world's social skills? Because Mark Zuckerberg has Asperger's.

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How do you keep a blonde busy? The best way to keep somebody busy is to make sure they have something to do, like get a job or a hobby or do some chores. The color of their hair is irrelevant.

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Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me

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Knock Knock! Who is there? I am the milkman and I have your milk.

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What did the fisherman say to the other fisherman? Were both fishermen

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. I don't stalk him on normal days because that is both weird and illegal, thus I cannot come to a conclusion to what he does on opposite day. However, since he is lonely, I hypothesize that he must do something social, since the opposite on that is lonely.

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I just had major Deja Vu... Cool, Brett. No one cares.

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Go to this website and this game is an antijoke to laugh at http://iamhelenkeller.com/

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Der Ter-Rerks, nern ter serrentersts ers "Terernerserers Rerks", wers er dernerser dert lerved ern der Certersers perrerd. Ert wers er mert erter, prering ern smerler, plernt-erterng dernersers serch ers herdrersers ernd serrerperds. Ert erser hernterd der herned herberver Tersererterps, werd erverderns erf ferts ferned ern der ferserlersed rermerns.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the engine wasnt working.

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Why did the Black man kill the White man? So he could end up in jail with the rest of his family.

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Alexis. Hi, come in!

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What do you call an asian women running for president? A candidate.

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What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my d i c k in your a s s.

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Why did Elmo get depressed? All his friends sacrifised themselves to satan

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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