What time did the tennis start? Tennish

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What is funny? Your football official having a heart attack

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What is the best way break up with your significant other without hurting their feelings? It is better to get it over with quickly and decisively. Gunshot to the head should do the trick.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first monkey why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? monkey see monkey do why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? peer pressure why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? it lost its footing why did the girl fall down? she was hit by four monkeys and a refridgerator

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If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic

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What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved

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Ian's mind Elevator music

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get slaughtered.

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What are the similarities between aaron ash and a cow? they both have 7 stomachs.

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Q: What do you call a fish with no eye? A: Fssshh

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Knock, Knock Who's There? (Silence) Wondering who was there, the man opened the door, to find a baby in a basket in front of him.

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Z.

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what has 2 legs and no eyes? A decapitated cat with only its lower half remaining

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Goats are like mushrooms. If you shoot a duck, I'm scared of toasters

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a sabertooth walks into a club. the caveman set his trap perfectly.

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How do you put 100 kids on a girls face ? skeet

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Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

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What do you call a 5 year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor

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An elderly man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Dad!" The old man replies, "Hi son. I'll have a Bud Light." The bartender serves his dad a Bud Light and says, "I'm thinking about going back to school to become a doctor." The old man says, "I'm an alcoholic." The bartender replies, "Great, another Bud Light coming up!"

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Why did the fireman go to the police station? He didn't go to the police station, he went to the fire station.

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What's worse than not finding your true love in high school? Dying

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Why did the kid hide under the table? There was an earthquake.

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How do you make a dyke moan? Insert a BEAVER in it!

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Why couldn't the blonde drive? Because she was 14, thus incapable of having a drivers license

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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