How do you make a kids fall off a swing? Throw an axe at them

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what's worse than than finding a worm up your ass? Death

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 black guys? D-12.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

 

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's the difference between a duck? An armchair, because a vest has no sleeves.

thumb_up thumb_down -107

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? depends on how thin you can slice them.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

whats worse than gill? nothing

thumb_up thumb_down -5

what did one bean say to the other bean??? hows it been.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

how much is a microwave full of dead babies? a fridge full of dead puppies.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did the man say to the other man? I would have no clue because I am deaf

thumb_up thumb_down +11

When Chuck Norris does a push up, he pushes himself up which puts resistance on his arms and therefore strengthens his arm muscles and performs physical exercise.

thumb_up thumb_down

yes... that's the joke

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q: What cant you give a black guy? A: Black eye, lips, and a jon

thumb_up thumb_down -12

After six days in prison, and the eight hours in court straight they finally randomly decided that I "acted in self defense" which I did, so I demanded recompensation for they locking me up and wasting my time... ...And hell if I did not get 12.000USD for it, not before they called me disrespectful and immoral, before I shut them the fuck up... ...""Earning" your respect wont pay my bills, while I am apparently the only one with balls here, what else can you say when you everybody else shuts the fuck up and sits down because the "alpha male" of your pack, yes you a grotesquely fat ass in a black dress and a gray womans wig smacks his little hammer on his desk... Judge my ass" Speaking of morals... "It is called sacrasm furfags" Nero: Did I mention that her boyfriend broke four fingers on his hand against my chest (supposedly it was a punch of some sort), then he countered my attack(?), as he skillfuly blocked both kicks with his face, as he fell down cried and pissed himself like the 52 year old "adult" he is? Then I broke both his knees with my heels and told him I would kill him too if he told the cops that I did so in self defense... In self defense of course... Drugs told my mother I was Satan, and that I would end up killing her the very day I was born... Little did I know back then, that whatever kind of angel dust she used then was right about me killing her... Now its her turn to climb up from the hell she sent me trough, except that I locked the gate at the end. I miss my real arm though, which she chopped right off me when I was six and offered it to God as tribute, then proceeded to beat the shit out of me with it it... That kinda felt nice compared to waterboarding and all the other shit she did to me, as for my father... Tried to break my neck because I was at my room studying when he caught me scratching my prosphetic arm which was a sin apparently, yes reader I literally killed my father too and you dont hear me whining about it. Nero: I had a custom prosphetic arm made, it wont pick up or hold shit, you can in fact crush your own fathers skull with a fist literally made of steel, even if you still cant believe its not real butter. Solvemedia: Politically correct, thumbs the fucks ups for the irony... Or the steel which I used in pure fear as my neck snapped and my legs went numb... Just a literal pain in the neck for the rest of my life though, and a nice memory...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first koala. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Lol, she does not think anything, she knows. Its not unfaithfulness if you ask for permission and are granted so because the trust is strong and mutual.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did jack smell smoke in his neighborhood? His house burnt to the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What's the difference between a zit and a priest? These two things are so different that I couldn't list all of the differences in this text box.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

whats long and black? a baton

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Hey dude. who died.... crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets crickets YO MAMA

thumb_up thumb_down -6

ding dong thats right no knock on door anymore

thumb_up thumb_down

What is faster than a black man with a stereo? A car

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops