What did Tom see after taking a much need long nap? The ceiling.

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George: I see you got a haircut. Jim: No, I got them all cut.

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What do call a limbless man swimming? Dead.

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Why did the penguin go to the cookie shop? He didn't, penguins don't eat cookies

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A man walked into a metal bar, they were playing Metallica.

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What's the difference between a duck, an engineer, and a leaf? There are many differences between these 3 that I will not list them all.

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Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone? She got hit by a bus Why was Billy laughing? He was driving the bus Why did Bobby drop his ice cream? Billy put the bus in reverse Why was Johnny crying? Sally and Bobby stole the money from his bank account and now he is poor and homeless

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Q: Why is 8 afraid of 9? A:Because 9 killed 8's family

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Well, first of all, what I have overcome both mentally (trauma) and physically (lots of shit) is in the past, lets leave it there. Second yeah, I can basically shift my sense of left and right at will, meaning I can choose which arm to write with, and write things mirrored without even thinking about it, I can fool my senses basically, one second I struggle playing the piano because I have just trained with one, then I make my brain believe I have been practicing with both, its simple, but complicated to explain, while my ears are perfectly normal, I got two sets of balance nerves, it just gets more complicated from there.

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What do you call a cannibal who won't eat his own brother? A pussy.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? An obsession with what motivates a chicken.

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Why did the cow say moo? Cows can't say anything they actually make noises that humans interpreted as "moo"

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Q: Why is my friend gay? A: Because i slept with him.

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Why did the dog bite justin beiber? Why not?

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Shrubs are red, Trees are red, Holy shit my garden's on fire!

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Whats better than pizza? Pepperoni pizza, if you like pepperoni that is.

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What's the difference between Michael J. Fox and a blender? Michael J. Fox is a successful actor starring in many movies, and a blender is a kitchen appliance.

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Want to get shot? Go to Virginia Tech. Too Soon?

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Question: Whats worse then getting hit by a bus? Answer: Getting hit by a train.

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Math: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 4 in the other, what do I have?" Answer: "An unreasonable amount of bottles to hold in two hands."

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How did Hitler like his steaks? He didn't like steaks, he was a vegetarian.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? No soap, radio!

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Why was Timmy crying when he got home? His family was dead in a pile with a pitchfork going through each of their bodies

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how do you stop santa from laughing? snap his neck.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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