- Anti Joke

Roses are red Violets are blue My body is ready I want you

Why did the boy get hit by a wrecking ball? Because he picked up an upside down penny.

Don't worry about giving me your phone number, I'll just follow you home later.

Why didn't the boy have any toes? - Because he did not have any legs.

What is it called when a Native American Indian man smacks a woman in the face for cheating on him? In police code it's called a "273D Domestic violence - Felony" most likely involving an insecure man with control problems simply adding to the stereotype that Native American's are drunk, abusive and domestically violent people.

What did the penguin say to the polar bear? Your in the wrong hemisphere

Why did the man commit a serious crime? Because he couldn't think of any funny crimes.

What's worse than crying over spilt milk? The Holocaust.

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What's the difference between a park bench and a black man? Nothing. They're both capable of supporting a family of three.

HOw do u DEFeat thE hatErsz shitted on em

Why did the chicken walk across the road? Because chickens cannot fly

What do you call a man in a wall? Stuck.

Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you have consumed.

Mac, or Big Jim, as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has every day for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up next to his wife, whom was always giving off a potent and delightful smell. This happens because she has a certain shampoo that makes her much more pleasant-smelling than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be a nuisance because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He continues to lightly hit her with the pillow until she, in a delightful flurry of feathers, begins to strike back. After a fun and good-looking pillow fight, he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then wash his hands. After this, he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and is encouraged by his boss every day for his astonishing effort and is then threatened to be promoted if it improves any more by the end of the month. He is always being encouraged by his boss because he does as much as he can do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. He cares. But, at the end of the month he is never promoted because he threatens to take his boss's daughter out for ice cream - of whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. His boss found this quite creepy and inappropriate. Normally, someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but the police chief is too busy to join them for ice cream and the only detective in their small town moved away four months ago. This caused a problem because the ice cream was never disposed of since the only ice cream man died one day prior due to old age. He was 79 at the time and well-loved by the community. After work, Big Jim then went home and his wife hugged him with delight. After dinner with his wife, Big Jim went to bed and had a good night's sleep.

Is this the Krusty Krab? No, this is an overused joke on a kid's cartoon. Thank me later.

Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

How do you become a multi-trilionere? Get bored...

Why did Simon drown? Simon couldn't swim.

Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks.

Dear Chase. You are retarded Your jokes suck Violets are red jump off a bridge

What's do you call two bulls, a goat, and a horse? Farm Animals

What do you call it when a black man and a Mexican open up a fast-food restaurant together? A joint venture.

"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Fairy floss" "Fairy floss who?" "I'm sugar coating your Cancer diagnoses"

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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