How do you stop your baby crawling in circles? Pick it up and smother it.

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Why did George Bush climb the Statue of Liberty? I'm not sure, as this incident is not covered in any of the myriad books written about his administration.

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A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this!" The doctor replies "That because there's a knife in your hand."

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A seal walks into a club, It proceeds to maul customers and then makes its way back to the ocean where it lives.

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Two penguins are sitting on an ice flow. One says to the other: "hey--you know, it looks like you are wearing a tuxedo." The other one says, "who says I'm not?"

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Urban ghettos

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What did the dog say to the other dog? Were both dogs!

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What's worse than finding Michael V. in your class? Finding Curtis W. in there instead\

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i was gunna write a joke..but i took an arrow to me knee.

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Q: How do you solve a problem like Maria. A: You kill her. You kill Maria.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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When life throws you melons, You probably won't catch them.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? ........ It turns out it was Helen Keller.

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A mama cow was sitting in the barn with her 3 babies. The first baby cow goes "Mom, why did you name me Daisy?" "Because a Daisy landed on your head when you were born" The second calf goes "Mom, why did you name me Rose?" "Because a Rose petal landed on your head when you where born." The third calf says "Aasdfghoiuytfghjkuiy" The mom replies "Shut up brick"

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Knock, Knock!! Who's there?! The Police!! Open the f*cking door and get down on your knees.

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why did benny go to the 4th grade school nurse? he had a massive erection.

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Whats slippery and wet? A wet slipper.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, With a penis so long he could suck it. He said with a grin, as he wiped off his chin, If my ear was a cunt, that’d be strange.

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knock knock whos there? steve oh hi steve please come in

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Some guy stapled it to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? A terrorist threw a refrigerator at it. Why did the girl fall off her bike? She was hit by 3 dead monkeys and a refrigerator.

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Why does your mom not love you.... Because she is not your real mom.

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Domestic violence is a crime. She should leave her abusive partner and seek help.

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Who, what, when, why, how, where, and which? Your Honor, i think my client would like to plead guilty.

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What's better than 24-year-olds? Twenty 4-year-olds.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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