Why couldn't Johnny drive? He doesn't have arms or legs. Why didn't Johnny have arms or legs? Johnny is a potato

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What do you call it when a drunk guy puts a tree in his house and then decorates his fireplace with his socks? Christmas (I didn't come up with this)

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whts worse than finding a worm in your apple? butt sex with the devil

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Q. What's green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree A. A pool table

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Alien vs. Predator = Evil Staplers vs. Evil Jamaicans

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There once was a man from Bangkok, who hated limericks.

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what did johnny's dad say to him after his baseball game? nothing because johnny's dad was an abusive alcoholic who beat him until the neighbors found out and called the police. the dad was arrested, tried in court then promptly thrown in jail were he was raped in the showers repeatedly by a very large and intimidating black man. he vomited suicide in his cell today by drinking drain cleaner

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? A bike that his father paid for with the salary he made as an accountant at a local bank.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the Long face" The horse then storms out of the bar, wondering why every bartender must ask him that.

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Okay, but cut me some slack here, its not as straight forward as it sounds, I got at least twice as many active synapses as other people do, that means twice the thought process, in video games I can for example remember twice the commands, and such. Sadly this does not mean that I can think twice as fast or twice as smart, but rather that I do so involuntarily in short spans, until I burn myself out. So be a bit nice to me, when I say that I have since I was a kid used about 2.5-7.5 mg valium, this is just because my thought process works so fast I burn out because well, I got the processor, but it burns out, excuse me my wife needs some help with her cellphone, see you soon

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What do you call a guitar with only one string? A guitar.

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In which state does the Mississippi River flow in? Liquid.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun! So I KILL YOU!!!!

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why did hannibal lector butter up the teacher? he wanted to get a good grade. he also wanted to eat her

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My mother got hammered last night. We cried at her funeral.

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What kind of dance does an alien do? None, aliens aren't real.

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what happened to the kid who opened the goldfish? he got eaten by a cixelsyd dinosaur

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What did the farmer say to the other farmer? We are both farmers.

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Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a Ferrari in my garage.

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What's worse than dying? Dying poor.

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What's the difference between a black man and and a bag of crap? A lot, but mostly the bag

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Why is six afraid of seven? Seven is a murderer.

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If you have three ice-cream cones, and you give away two, how many do you have left? Why would you give away your ice-cream? Eating it is the better option.

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Max who Max Who's there Knock knock I'm dyslexic

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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