Why wouldn't Helen Keller be able to drive if she was alive today? She would be inside her coffin not knowing how to get out

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What do you get when you cross an orangatang with a grizzly bear? Nothing, they just walk past each other unless the bear eats the shit out of the monkey then feeds it to her cubs

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Why was the firefighter carrying a hot girl? Because her house was on fire.

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What do you call a child sitting alone in the back of a bus? Anti-social and on the verge of depression.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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A man walks into a bard with a politician, an Asian man, and a sailor. They all get drinks and have a good time.

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If you were in a room with Osama bin Laden, Hitler, and a black guy and you had two bullets, who would you shoot? Seeing as this situation is logically impossible considering that Adolf Hitler died in the year 1945 and Osama bin Laden was born in the year 1957, I would be in a room with just a black guy and two bullets. Then I would proceed not to shoot the black guy on the fact that I enjoy the talking and learning about cultural diversities between the black and white races.

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What is the similarety between a car and a banana? Both starts with B

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don't do anything i wouldn't do first

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Daffodils are yellow, Flowers come in lots of colours...

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Why do girls wear perfume? Because they smell and they're ugly

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have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a flower? No? well it must have been hiding pretty well.

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(for comedians) I went to a coffee shop the other day. I ordered a coffee then sat down. Behind me there were two people talking. I didn't eves drop because it's impolite so I drank my coffee and left.

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Why did Visellet stop eating cherries? Because she choked on a pit and died.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? Because her mother inadvertently left the gate open while gardening.

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Why were you in an igloo? I don't know, why were you?

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What did the frog say when he heard his family was dead? "ribbit"

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a rabbi,a priest and minister didnt walk into a bar. Bars are for fun and fun is for not completely insane brainwashed people.

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What is small, slimy, and thrown in the garbage? A stillborn

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You know how geese fly in a V formation and sometimes one side is longer than the other. Do you know why that is? Because there are more geese on that side.

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What's the opposite of Christopher Walkins? Christopher Reeves.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, That's what they tell me because I'm blind.

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If you added up all of the grains of sand in all the beaches of the world, how many would there be? Anyone?

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A guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "whered you get the pig?" The guy says, "It's not a pig its a parrot." The bartender says, "i was talking to the parrot."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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