There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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Whats green and tasty? Snot

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What came first? The chicken or the egg? The egg, because breakfast comes before dinner.

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Two babies are playing in a sand box.. They both start crying because they get sand in their eyes

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why was the vampire sad? his last victim had aids.

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What did the fat guy say after his weight-reduction surgery? I'm gonna sue the clown pants out of McDonalds

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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What do you call a black guy in college? A student.

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I am darkness, soon I shall rule the world, those of you that desire to serve me thumb this up, those of you that desire eternal fear beyond your imagination, thumb me down. Moral: Try thinking of me and thinking "he is crazy", in order to unlock the secrets behind spontaneous human combustion.

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How do you save a drowning Asian teenage boy? You get him out of the water.

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How do you keep a mexican from drowning? Take your foot off the back of his head.

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Whats a dwarf running A running dwarf

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What do you call a guy who acts straight but is really not? Verl.

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What did the farmer say to the chicken? Nothing, speaking to a bird would have been considered highly irregular, bordering on insane. He left the bird alone, until the time came to slaughter the bird and take it's nutritious meat.

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How do you starve a black man? Take away his current food stocks, and means of income.

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April showers bring may flowers, may flowers bring pilgrims, pilgrims bring diseases, diseases bring death, death brings... Well it's just death.

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When is a door not a door? When it is a cup.

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If life hands you lemons, take them they taste good

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Did you hear about the pirate movie? It was rated PG-13 for sexual content/nudity, language, and some violence.

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What's the one thing America's got but the UK hasn't... School shootings

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What did the man say to the tree? Nothing, he was a mime.

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What is the difference between Charlie Sheen and Michael Jackson? One is dead, one is not.

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Today, my doctor discovered I had a tumor in my brain the size of a walnut. FML.

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Q: how do you test the sharpness of a knife A: stab someone MR

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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