The hooker walks into a bar wearing a vest and tight denim shorts. A drunken man proceeds in trying to have his way with her. He is thrown out for sexual mis-conduct and is currently waiting for his court date.

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A skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a mug of beer and a washcloth.

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How can you tell if a calendar is popular? From stock order lists and also from accounts records.

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Why did the guy lose the race? Because he had explosive diarrhea

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? One is a human being belonging to a particular religious minority and the other is a delicious Italian food favoured by English speaking western cultures. The problem with this anti-joke is that the facts are not correct, pizza was originally invented and China; however,it looked quite different then what might be considered pizza by our standards, when pizza was brought to Italy it was improved to make what we now consider pizza in modern times. While some people may consider pizza an Italian food, this would be failing to give credit to the Chinese who invented it.

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roses are red, violets are blue, if ruddell was black, he would smell of poo.

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Why was the black man eating fried chicken? He was on death row and it was his last meal request..

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How do you make a little girl laugh. You tell her something funny.

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I make it rain on them hoes, By which I mean I masterbate from my third story patio

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Why did the weiner dog that punctured Doris' bladder get carried away during an oral sex session? Because the dog had a terribly troubled childhood which led to a faliure to adequately function in adulthood

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A child walks into a bar. I swear those jungle gyms are too short.

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I have read the terms and conditions

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Why did the director call cut? Because he was shot dead by Nazis.

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how do you get an A in a class? idk never got on.

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What starts with a 'D' and ends with 'ick' Daniel and Jimmy are walking in the park when suddenly they get hit by a stick because a mysterious person threw the stick.

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In Soviet Russia, millions of innocents died due to the oppression.

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So a man is sitting at a bar with about 20 girls sitting all around him. Amazed at this man's ability to pick up girls, another man asked him how he did. In response, the man said, "What?". The man wasn't able to hear the other man, due to the fact that there were many girls talking.

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What's worse than a mentally retarded boy screaming in your ear while your sitting in the waiting room at the doctors? 2 retarded boys screaming in your ears while your sitting in the waiting room at the doctors.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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Why are Black Guys Black? Migration and adaptation to the harsh heat of the southern Sahara Desert. DUH.

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Why did the girl scream? She was being raped.

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Knock Knock. To get to the other side.

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how many babies does it take to paint a house? that is child labor, which is illegal in many countries.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball? Because skeletons are no longer sentient beings and cannot move.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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