When I'm sad I cut myself... another slice of cheesecake.

thumb_up thumb_down +49

Kim Kardashian got a job.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats more painful than falling onto a sharp stone? Suffering the loss of your mother and newborn brother in a tragic car accident on your birthday.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the blonde fall down the stairs? Somebody tripped her.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +7

knock, knock who's there you yoohoo i don't like chocolate milk!

thumb_up thumb_down +22

why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7-8-9

thumb_up thumb_down +7

666

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why did the woman spend all her time in the kitchen? For fear of her abusive husband.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

"knock knock" "who's there" *no answer* Opens door to find dead wife lying on doorstep with 'lol' stamped on forehead

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the man do when he crossed the road? Nothing he got hit by a car

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's the correct way to eat spaghetti? Put it in your mouth.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Where did Jimmy go during the bombing? An underground shelter where he would be kept from harm.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: how do you get an clown off a unicycle A:You hit it with a police baton

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Chuck Norris was so famous we was casted for the show Walker, Texas Ranger

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Yo mama so fat when she dresses in red she looks like clifford the big red dog!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Yo mama so ugly... She never got married because most men found it hard to marry her because of her looks

thumb_up thumb_down +42

( o Y o )

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? No, but considering there has not been a single man to walk on the moon since 1972, it'd be difficult to generate any kind of revenue on this natural satellite.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Does this smell like chloroform to you?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

YOLO

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Why doesn't little jimmy ride his favourite bike to school any more? He was playing on the platform at at the railway station, tripped and fell across the track, at which point a seven carriage train came through at over 150 mph and cut through his upper thighs crushing everything in his legs and causing them to fall off.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How many owls can you fit in a bath tub?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops