Last night, I awoke to the unsettling sound of an alarm. My initial thought was fire. However, after analyzing the situation, I realized that it was only my alarm clock. I turned off the alarm clock, and got out of bed. Then my brother walked in my room and hit me in the face with a toaster.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A zucchini is walking down the street, when he spots a cucumber club on his left hand side. Having nothing else to do he decides to walk in. When he walks into the club all of the cucumbers stop and stare at this strange being in their club. Finally, after having one too many drinks, one cucumber decides that this ridiculousness has gone on long enough and it is up to him to say something, so he goes up to the zucchini and says, "Hey buddy, what's your problem, clearly you are in a cucumber club and you're a zucchini." The zucchini just looks at him, puzzled, and responds " A cucumber club? I thought this was a ucumber club!!!!!"... It's funny because zucchinis are dyslexic.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What is brown and sticky? Black tar heroin.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

roses are blood violets are veins vampires are crazy and you are insane

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red violets are blue if you were number one I"ll pick number two, if you were number two then I'll pick POO!

thumb_up thumb_down -7

what does this mean: qiwiw98373jeu7e nothing significant, just shows the results of a mentaly disable student

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What kind of parrot can't mimic human voices? One that's just had it's vocal chords illegally harvested and sold on the black market

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A cow says moo and explodes.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Want to hear a joke? 12 year olds

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's gay, has ten eyes and is gay. One D. Kelvin Yang.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

how old is god? i don't know thats why i'm asking you. by: Brennan pickrell

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Ring. Ring. Hello? Hey, It's Sean Oh hi! How are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Hear the one about the deaf guy? Neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you occupy a blonde for hours ? Give her a long list of stuff to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A Christian, a Jew, and a Hindu walked into a bar - guess what happened then? Well two of them are alcoholics so they wisely changed their minds and left, then the other one got bored so he left too.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Did you hear about the 2 pretzels walking down the street? It's not true, pretzels are not capable of autonomous movement.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Yamum is so poor that she has trouble supporting herself and paying her own bills. Subsiqeunetly she had her electricity and home phone cut off, not that she would have any use for a home phone with her electricity cut off anyway. She sits on her bed and cries herself to sleep each night and has been thrown into depression due to her spiraling financial debts of which she can see no end to. This has led to several attempts to take her own life to hopefully finally find a way out of her misery and debt.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

OMG this totally works! Step 1: Hold your breath Step 2: Die

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why is a charlie horse called a charlie horse? Well there was this boy charlie and he had a horse and it died in a fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I dunno, I dont grade love, I want to see you, touch you, bang you (sorry for not having the guts to use a nicer word, but I am tired and that is what I have in me now) And while that makes me sound like some hippy, I am very fucking picky about who I spend time with, and when. And I got no male friends, waste of time, why spend time with guys when I can spend time with chicks. Excuse me, just need my meds, speaking of sincerity, yeah I use medications, wont tell you what, but its well, not for my "mental disorders" I was born crazy, and I am going to die like I live: INSANE.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

hmm, thinking, thinking, SNAPPLE!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

knock knock? Whos there? a questionable person. What? exactly.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats worse than an offended chicken walking around with a squirrel stapled to its back? A crusty old man with hepatitis peeing on 10 babies.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops