Never bring a knife to a sword fight Bring A GIANT FREAKING HIPPOPOTAMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms... Why couldn't sally get up? She had no legs Why did no one help sally? Because she has no friends.

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This one sucks!

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What did the man give his wife for her anniversary? Nothing. The man is a raging alcoholic and forget her anniversary due to his high alcoholic intake during the past few weeks. Even if he did remember he most likely didn't care after seeing his wife cheat on him with another woman putting his marriage into shambles.

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One day there was 2 black guys in hoodys with knives in there hand. They tapped me on the shoulder and took my groceries. They then made me a jam sandwich and went on there way

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How many candles did Johnny blow out on his birthday cake? The same number of candles which corresponds to his age.

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Person 1:why did the person fart Person 2: wh.... Person 1:shut up I'm not interested any more! Btw person 2 got interrupted

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Why was the black man arrested? Tax evasion.

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Who's there? Knock Knock.

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Why was Martin Luther King assassinated? Because he had a mustache.

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DAMMIT MY IPHONE IS IN REPAIR AND I CANT GET THE APP!!!!!!!

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Roses are red violets are blue hes for me not for you if by chance you take my place ill take my fist and smash your face

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Two peanuts are walking down a dark alley. One was a honey roasted.

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Why was the black guy running away with a sack full of money? He was rushing to local charity to donate the money. It was closing in 2 minutes.

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Roused are red violets are blue I just s*** in my own poo

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What do you call an African American who flies a plane? A Pilot

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? Max

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Yo mamas so fat that she slowly had developed obstructive sleep apnea syndrome and had died due to an obstruction of her upper airway while she was sleeping.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? The IRS.

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If shes old enough to count..... Then having sex with her would be considered illegal.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it won't go to you anyways.

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Excuse me, I have a shitload of stuff to do, so you are Eliza huh? I thought that was just one person conveying something to someone. Anyway, what is your name? My name is actually Nero, but you do not strike me as an Eliza, first name is more than enough. You know, if you dare, Ill be back shortly, I was gonna shower but then again, I haven't moved at all today, so yeah. Saved you? I have never saved anyone well, excuse me then, see you around, worry less about people bothering with us chatting, hell they might risk learning something (not a chance, people here are fucking jackasses, with one exception, and I do not mean me this time).

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Knock knock Shut up

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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