What's more satistfying then good sex? A nice loud, stinky fart.

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The dog, Marley from Marley and Me. It died.

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What's black, over twelve inches long, and has a hard time fitting in tight spaces? my double stroller.

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A man is training his dog. He tells the dog to sit. The dog sits. "Good boy!" said the man. The dog did not thank the man for the compliment because dogs cannot speak.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick!

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Jesse uses a prescription shampoo called " greasey poop" because he feels like his hair doesnt look greasy enough. He cries himself asleep every night because he wants a slim body like the rest of the cool kids, so he eats his pain away, which digs him an even deeper hole. the life of Jesse zigenbein is quite tragic to say the least. Please donate 10$ to the "eat ourselves to sleep" campaign

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one. he was an electrician

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Who didn't allow the gorilla into the ballet studio? Whoever was in charge.

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What did the African boy get for his Christmas present for the first time? Leprosy

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This is not mean't to be a joke, but I have noticed the least popular thing on here is the Jew and the Pizza joke. I am Jewish and find this extremely offensive. I applaud all of those who gave it a negative vote and realize the Holocaust is not a laughing matter.

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Waseem is not a funny guy!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one.

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What is the difference between a mallard with a cold and you? One is a sick duck I forget how this ends, but your mother is a whore.

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When Chuck Norris dives into a pool... he gets wet due to the aqueous nature of the water

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Why is Stevie Wonder always so happy? Probably becuase he's a highly succesfull multi-million dollor recording artist with 26 grammys and 1 oscar

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Q: How many vaginas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Just one.

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What does a black kid get from Christmas? a blunt

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Q: WHY DID GOD MAKE ASIANS? A: NO FREIKEN IDEA

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WARNING!: THIS JOKE MAY BE OFFENSIVE::: three mexicans wanted to cross the united states borders when they were greeted by a border guard with a gun. the guard tells the three mexicans that if they wanted to pass the border, they will have to do as he says, to which the 3 of them agrees. the guard tells them to go gather a pair of fruits, so like that each of them went their own way to go get some fruits. the first mexican came back with a pair of apples. The guard orders him to stick both of them up his ass and if he makes a sound, the guard will kill him. The mexican obeys and sticks the apple halfway when he screamed. the guard killed him. The second mexican came back with a pair of cherries. The guard ordered the same thing and told him the same thing. the second mexican made 1 cherry and a half when he giggled. So he died also. when he got to heaven, he meets the first mexican. to which the 1st mexican asks, "why did you laugh? that was so easy!" and the 2nd mexican responded, "i giggled because i saw the third mexican coming with a pair of water melons."

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What's the difference between a piece of chicken and a black guy? They were both once alive and innocent, I lied about the black guy.

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why was the little boy sad? he found out that George Washington was dead.

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A king's son's birthday came one day and the king asked what he wanted. "You can have anything in the world son." He would say. The prince answered,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." So for his birthday he got a rollar costar, a new car, a water park, a castle, and of corse some purple ping pong balls. The same answer went out of his mouth for three years. One day the prince was driving in his car, and he got into a terrible car accadent. And while he was in the ER and saying his last words, his father asked,"Son, before you die, i must know, why did you want purple ping pong balls for your all of those birthdays?" And the prince said,"Well I wanted them because-" and then he died.

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A horse walks into a bar. the bartender says "hey. get out."

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Q: how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? A: 14

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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