A dog and a bird are sitting in the front yard of a small suburban community. The bird turns to the dog and says nothing, because birds lack the ability to speak. The dog then reaches down and slowly consumes the bird before returning to his house.

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Why was the kid underwater? He hit a rock.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? The Landlord. Your rent's late.

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Is your refrigerator running? If so, it sounds like you've got a well manufactured, correctly working appliance. If not, you might want to either have a technician come over and look at it or you should simply replace it with a working one.

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Where did the taxi driver put his suitcase down? celery

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What do you call a Jewish police officer? It depends on if you are Mel Gibson or not.

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what did the scientist say in Siberia? burrrrrrrrrrilium

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You know those people that learned the true name of God, as God asked kindly... ...Well you know God can be nice sometimes but he actually COMMANDED they keep his name secret forever? They became the first people known as Jehova`s witnesses... JEHOVAH<<< SECRET NAME ANYBODY? So much for keeping his secret name guys! They claim that only a few thousand humans will ascend to heaven, in other words all of the JEHOVA`s witnesses... All two billions of them or something... For keeping his name (Cough JEHOVAH) secret. SUCCESS!

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I once heard what I consider the best joke ever: But I am not telling it to you, because this is a the anti-joke section. Moral: You better find the secret "real jokes section" because its there, yeeeeeess yeeeeeeeeees of coursehahahahaha!

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What did the man say to his wife before they went to bed? Goodnight.

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Q. What did Grandmother get Little Boy Johnny for Christmas? A. Nothing. She died on Thanksgiving Day.

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"I see," said the blind man to the deaf man.

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violets are blue, my name is Dave. this poem makes no sense. microwave.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Tell her she is a burnette.

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What is 4 letters and made out of wood? Wood.

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Your momma is so fat that she's developed a cardiovascular disease and has 5 weeks to live

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What did the American call the Arab? Nothing the American could not talk because he suffered from throat cancer because of the effects of 9/11 and thus causing his hatred towards Arabs and led to the Arabs death. Green

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2 black men beat 9 white men in basketball. Why is this so? They were clearly out numbered.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.

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How did the little boy die? Malaria Why? He was poor. Why? A Jew stole his money.

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This is the funniest joke in the world: Just joking!

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How did the dog die? It was wet because of the rain so the little boy put him in the microwave for 30 minutes to warm him up

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What did the boy with four arms get for Christmas? A Laptop. Why couldn't he use it? He had no fingers.

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why did the plane crash? the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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