Aww Eliza, thanks for being around in spirit, dont leave yet, I am kinda having breathing problems, and Alice says my something levels are dropping because I need solid food, please dont leave, I cant tell time even with a watch, but would you mind waiting a bit? Ill eat fast, somehow.

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Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a V, one side is long than the other? Do you know why that is? There are more geese on that side

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a man made a beautiful colorful picture and hit print. the printer then grew a mind of its own and did the most horriffic and evil thing ever; he printed it in black and white.

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roses are red, violets are red, bushes are red, flowers are red, trees are red, my garden is red... HOLY CRAP MY GARDENS ON FIRE!!!

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An American, a Canadian, an Afro-American and a Jew walk in a bar. They all order their favorite drink and go look for potential partners with whom they'd wish to engage in sexual relationships.

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Q: How do you get a one armed Pollock out of a tree? A: Call the fire department.

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The more I learn to understand myself, the more true I am towards my values the less human I feel. The irony is, that there will always be other humans feelng the same.

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The boy said to the priest, may God be with you. The priest responded with, "And also IN you".

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Fact: When you die, you can't eat ice cream!

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Three children are celebrating Christmas, Joey got a toy train, Janey got a barbie doll, Know what Jimmy got??? Cancer.

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What red and goes up and down? A tomato in an elevator.

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A whale's vagina

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I will see it when I believe it, as far as your order or whatever goes, I have already taken a look, and its nothing for me, you hide behind idealism yet use cruel methods and inhuman tactics in order to justify your means, you hide behind a shell of fucking "charm" and employ people to harass others. YOU ARE NO FUCKING BETTER THAN THE REST! YOU ARE BENEATH ME! As for that sister fucking bullshit, joke is on you, I do not have a sister! I bet that was one of your fucking "Nero`s" all six billion of your fucking personality disorders. Moral: I am the FUCKING MORAL MAN! And while I do not have a sister to rape, ill get down with yours.

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What did the kid with no legs get for Christmas ? A treadmill

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Why'd the aborted fetus cross the road? 9/11

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What do you call the man who graduated medical school last in his class? Doctor

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? Lick his dog's penis.

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What do you get when you cross a chicken with a road? To get to the other side.

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A man walks into a 1980's style restaurant he takes a seat and orders his meal.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Blind.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue; In Soviet Russia, POEM WRITES YOU!

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What did the man with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A bike

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How do you kill half the Mexican population? through a penny of a cliff. How do you kill the other half? Tell them its still down there.

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Q: A black person and a white person decided to have a race, who won? A: The black person, as he exercised and worked out on a regular basis, making him very fast.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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