Somebody has robbed your house, how do you gather evidence? Look for traces of watermelon or chicken bones.

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Why didn't John get a present for Christmas? Because John died eight months ago.

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What happened when the joke was bad? crippled up like cancer of the eye

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I ate high protein foods and now my flatulence smells wrank.

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A mountain goat walks into a bar, the bar man asks ''what will it be?''. The other customers question the mental integrity of the bar man, as goats cannot talk

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Why does Marcus keep playing dumb games instead of doing his goelogy. No one knows.

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How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? ...hey, it's kinda fun to type tootsie... ...tootsie tootsie tootsie...

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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Q. Why do cheetahs run so fast? A. Because their bodies allow them to.

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So this old redneck is sitting on his porch when he sees this boy walking down the road and hollers "What you got there boy?" "Chicken wire." "What you gonna do with that?" "Gonna catch me some chickens." The old guy thought: Dumb boy. You can't catch no chickens with chicken wire. Later that evening he sees the same boy walking with a bunch of chickens. The next day he sees the same boy walking with duct tape. "What you got there boy?" "Duct tape" The boy replies. "Gonna catch me some ducks." The old man leaned back and thought. "Dumb boy, you can't catch ducks with duct tape." Later that evening he sees the boy walking with a bunch of ducks. The next day he sees the same boy and hollers: "What you got there boy?" "I got me some pussy willow." The old man hollers: "Hold on, let me get my hat."

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What do you do when you're bored in Manhattan? You buy a minigun, enchant it to have limitless ammo, and then shoot it for one hour straight, killing innocent pedestrians in time square while laughing hysterically. Or maybe that's just me

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What's large and blue? Probably quite a few things.

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Why did the hipster's coffee burn his tongue? He drank it before it was cool.

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What is the difference between Whitney Houston and Elvis. They are dead. And it make people go boo hoo

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What did the bullet say to Bin-Laden? Suck it

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What's big, black and long? The line in KFC

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How does Hitler tie his shoes? with little Nazis!

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Ask me if i am a tree? "Are you a tree" No.

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Why was the muslim surprised? A tyrannosaurus rex bit off his legs.

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Why was the broom late? Cause he overSWEPT!!! ahahahahahaha!

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Why did the man crossing the busy road die? because he wanted to

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Wat do u call black circus clwon a bad comedian

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Three vampires were at a bar 1 & 2 were drinking and asked the 3rd why he wasn't. He replied, I'm full I found a used tampon on my way here.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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