roses are red, violets are blue. hey.

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How do you lose your train of thought? You can't. It is impossible to fit a full size locomotive in the human skull.

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Q: How to make a man who suffers from hypochondria want to kill himself? A: You take a shet on his face.

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Out on the playground of a school, extremely young kids are acting as living witness to an audacious thing. They're watching a very interesting display of strength and brutality. They're observing a enactment of lofty potential and great might. What're they watching? They're regarding their principal getting promptly arrested by the federal police for possession of technically illegal weaponry including, but not only limited to what looked like to them: peculiar "fire crackers" and reloadable "candy dispensers". In the ensuing battle, their principal got shot in the arm and a random pedestrian got killed by a stray bullet. In the end, the cruel joke's on them. Guess what? They're irrepairably damaged for the rest of their life.

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There are two kinds of people: Those who have a life, and those who read anti-jokes

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What's the difference between Mitt Romney and a statue of Mitt Romney? The statue doesn't change its position.

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What did the two prostitute say to each other? I dont know, i wasn't there

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A blonde walks into an electronics store to buy a toaster, the shopkeeper tells her that they do not serve blondes. She sues for discrimination and receives a considerable cash settlement while the shopkeeper looses his store and reluctantly works at a fast food franchise.

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I took your mother out to a fine seafood dinner. I never called her again.

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What did Billy Mays eat for breakfast? nothing, he's dead.

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A thought for the day: Life is like a game of chess. In the constant struggle for power, control and safe positions it makes no difference whether one plays white or black. As long as everything is planned and one stays a few moves ahead, everything will work out. Just don't annoy the queen, or she may send some very irate knights to fork you or a bishop to flank you. [L]

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If Chuck Norris were to roundhouse you. Then something previously happened before the altercation, that caused tension.

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What did the cat say when someone pointed out that cats can't talk? Meow.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I told him to. I'm very influential.

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Why did the woman eat her sandwich. She was hungry.

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Q:Whats worse then finding a worm in your apple A:You have AIDS

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What do you call an amazing, funny, beautiful, nice, goreous, stunning girl? Adena Gabrysiak <3

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I know what you do with your right hand. You part-take in everyday activities such as eating, typing, grooming and maneuvering.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To warn people on the other side that the sky was falling Why did the cow cross the road? Cause he had madcow disease Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? Cause he's Chuck Norris Why did the Mexican cross the road? He was on his way to America Why did the black man cross the road? He was just running to his car you racist.....after he had robbed the bank Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass

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roses are red violets are blue most poems rhyme but this one doesnt

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What do you call a man named Cornelius? Well, he prefers to go by his middle name, Eric, because he was teased as a child for being named Cornelius.

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How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

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Women's Golf

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Your Mom's sooo fat that when she jumps into a pool her splash attack does damage :P

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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