What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.

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1 I've been diagnosed with-- 2 I don't give a f*ck, go die in a hole!

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Knock knock. Who's there? The Grim Reaper. The Grim Reaper who? Joking with me will not postpone your death.

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OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruisin' about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, she is rolling around on the street laughing hysterically. He asks her, "Why are you laughing? I just beat the crap out of your car!!" She is laughing too hard to respond, but between giggles he can make out, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle!"

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Why Do Indians Not Like Snow? Because it is white and on their land

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Pope: how to help the unfortunate people my fellow Christians? Christians: We should give donations and a lot of support. What we always do. Pope: and i shall wear this golden hat, sit on a high quality super expensive chair, this rope with gold attached to the decorations, and wave my golden staff as you help these poor innocent children. Christians: yes...that... Pope: P.S: and live in an expensive church with many children alone.

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Double rainbow? What does it mean? Well, a "double rainbow" is a phenomenon of optics that displays a spectrum of light due to the sun shining on droplets of moisture in the atmosphere. Does that explain it?

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Knock knock Who's there Banana Bananas can't talk. Crap he's on to me

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A blonde girl is lying dead on the floor with a potato peeler in her hand, what killed her? Substance abuse and loneliness.

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What did the strawberry say to the elephant? Nothing. Because it's a strawberry and strawberries can't talk.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom.

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A worm slowly crawled through the ground, only to be eaten by an incoming bird.

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whats long hard and full of seamen? a submarine.

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What's the difference between a cheeseburger and a dead baby............I don't j!zz on the cheeseburger before I eat it.

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A man walks into a bar. He hits his head and dies.

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why did the depressed man jump off the bridge? He likes bungie jumping, and wanted to cheer himself up by doing one of his favorite hobbies

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"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Boo." "I don't know anyone by that name. Please go away."

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Why did the dog start barking? Because it was a dog.

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A black guy, a white guy, and a mexican guy are stranded in the middle of a desert. After many days of not finding food, water, or shelter they contemplate cannibalism to survive, but can't decide who to eat. The mexican dies first for an unrelated reason

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What do a bucket and a women have in common? Before 1928 neither had the right to vote. The bucket still can't.

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What did the therapist say to the other therapist? We are both therapists

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an old lady walked into a bar, used the bathroom and left. THE END

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Your mom as so fat that I'm gonna give you the name of this doctor because I really care for you...... And don't want to see you so stressed because she is so fat.

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Why do christians believe in God? Because believing in God is fundemental in their belief system; if they did not believe in God they simply wouldn't be christians. Muslims are in a similar predicament.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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