- Anti Joke

i quit soccer because science happened and then i forgot how to screw in a lightbulb

What did the Liver say to the Heart? Nothing, Organs can't talk

roses are red, hills are green. i know you're ugly and i know I'm so mean.

Where there is a will, there is generally a grieving family... I miss you, dad.

Q. Why was the little boy sad? A. He had a frog stapled to his face.

Q: What is the scariest thing ever? A: Child Birth.

Q: What did zero say to the eight? A: Nice belt

What is the meaning of life? Definitions of life on the Web: a characteristic state or mode of living; "social life"; "city life"; "real life" the experience of being alive; the course of human events and activities; "he could no longer cope with the complexities of life" the course of existence of an individual; the actions and events that occur in living; "he hoped for a new life in Australia"; "he wanted to live his own life without interference from others" animation: the condition of living or the state of being alive; "while there's life there's hope"; "life depends on many chemical and physical processes" the period during which something is functional (as between birth and death); "the battery had a short life"; "he lived a long and happy life" the period between birth and the present time; "I have known him all his life" the period from the present until death; "he appointed himself emperor for life" a living person; "his heroism saved a life" liveliness: animation and energy in action or expression; "it was a heavy play and the actors tried in vain to give life to it" living things collectively; "the oceans are teeming with life" the organic phenomenon that distinguishes living organisms from nonliving ones; "there is no life on the moon" biography: an account of the series of events making up a person's life a motive for living; "pottery was his life"

What did the deaf, dumb, blind kid with two stump arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer

Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

Sometimes i like to paint myself red and then curl up into a ball and pretend i'm a tomato.

69 cents for a rainbow donut shaped as a 69....

knock knock who's there? The police your family is dead

Why was the women not in the kitchen? She was dead

So a man walks into a bar and gets a drink, then a man walks up to him and tries to start a fight, the first man says, "No thanks" and walks home.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Depending on the amount of saliva you produce each lick the answer to this question varies species to species.

How do you stop a black man from committing a crime? You throw him a basket ball.

You know what happens when you assume right? Well, you make an educated guess based on prior knowledge to the circumstance at hand.

What's 9+10? 19

no rasist joks

What do a Jew and a homeless man both have in common? They both get nothing for Christmas

What do a Fascist and a Democrat both have in common? Involvement in politics.

What is the best game in the world? There is no answer because that would be an opinion and opinions cannont be proved or measured.

what's black? a lot of things.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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