Two ducks are sitting in the bathtub. One asks, "Hey, can you please pass the soap?" The other responds, "Sure, if you pass the typewriter."

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What is you problem!? Im retarded, what is your problem?

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Roses are red, violets are red, tulips are red, oh shit my gardens on fire!!!

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So what makes you that much adaptable? I get the feeling I should get this by now.

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What is similar about a goose and newly weds? They both aren't chairs

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Why did the boy scream? Because his girlfriend poked him in the butthole, which he was not expecting. Thus surprising him.

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Yo mama's like Darfur: Everyone feels bad for her, but nobody offers any substantial assistance.

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A gay man walks into a biker bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you want ice with that?"

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An Octopus walked into a bar. He then died as he had been out of his natural habitat for an exceedingly long period of time. An octopus can only survive on land for 30 minutes.

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Why Johnny's parents threw out his broken bike? - ´Cause Johnny got ran over by a drunken driver yesterday, when he was cycling back home from school.

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what do you call an octopus with 9 tentacles? a male octopus

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69

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Why was the woman crying? Because I hit her with a bat.

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How do you piss off a blind person? Tell him to piss in a round room.

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a. johns friend said your a towel b. rick replied im obivously not a towel and walked away in discust at his friends stupidity.

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Q. What's brown and sticky? A. A stick.

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Whats the most common use of a butt plug after school? In the sport of pole vaultIng, the butt plug is the rubber end of the pole that is designed to withstand the force of being planted in a steel box.

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how do you get a 1 armed moron out of a tree? you wave

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What's funnier than a midget bungie jumping? Nothing

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A pair of brothers walked into a bar. It was where the wake was being held from their mother's funeral.

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Your momma is so fat she has an increased risk or cardiac arrest due to obesity. I ridicule her based on the theory that her morbid obesity is due to the fact that she has a diet consisting of large amounts of calories and high fat content and/or she is known to be very sedentary and does not partake in physical exercise. However, if this increase in body fat content is due to genetics I retract my previous statement and wish only the best for her, also, you might want to lower your calorie intake and visit your local gym, lest you succumb to morbid obesity, much like your mother.

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Your so dumb, you didn't notice I should have used you're. Don't lie

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What did the one legged girl do when her apartment caught on fire? She tried to hop to safety, but died of smoke inhalation.

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What do you call a deaf-black man that professionally generates maps of the world? A cartographer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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