Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Why'd Carly fall off the swing? She got hit by a bus

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*Brother comes downstairs wet and naked* Mom: Did you enjoy your shower?

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did you hear the one about the elephant with a screwdriver? me neither...

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Why is a four year olds bedroom the hottest place in Texas? Its on fire, like the rest of the state because of a tragic wildfire thats ruining the lives of many people.

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i stole a monkey from a man in a yellow hat his name is george now his name is i hate you

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one time, a fancy business man walked into a bar. but then he figured out that he wasnt supposed to be there. so he politely apologized to the mortician an and he granted him permission to exit the closet.

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The other day a man came to my door. After I opened it, he told me, "I'm sorry, your mother is dead." He paused, then said, "Just kidding." "Actually," I told him, "my mom died two years ago of natural causes." He turned around and left, and I closed the door. All in all, it was a very confusing situation, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

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why did the man turn on and off the lights 20 times because he was diagnosed with O.C.D as a child

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ask me if i have a place to call home> 'have you a place to call home?' no im sad and lonely.

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Why are ginger's jokes not funny? Because they're gingers.

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Your mother is so morbidly obese that if she sat on me, she would crush my skull and kill me.

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What did the black man get for Christmas? A felony conviction.

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knock knock who's there me me who? me me me me who? me me me me me me who? and the more the joke continues the less funny and more annoying it gets

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knock knock whos there? orange orange who? orange you pissed off your wifes taking in the ass from another guy right now?

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What did the doctor say to his patient? You were supposed to die 12 seconds ago....

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Hellen Keller walks into a bar. Well, at least she thinks she did.

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Erron, who the hell do you work for? I thought we where friends, allies! We have not done anything illegal ever!

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What's worse...a thousand dead babies in one joke...or one dead baby in a thousand jokes?

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In Soviet Russia you don't drive car, because the Soviet Union was disbanded in 1991

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Did you know Helen Keller had a playhouse in her backyard? Well if you didn't, it was quite nice. I was her neighbor.

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What do you call a skeleton in your closet? Evidence of a brutal crime. You should probably call the cops.

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Why did the white man cross the road? To pay his taxes.

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How did the little boy survive the massacre? He didn't. How did the little girl survive the massacre? She was the killer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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