Why can't Michel Jackson play chess? He's dead

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How do you make a person laugh? Tell a good joke How do you make them cry? Tell a sad story How do you make them cry and laugh at the same time? Tell a bad joke

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A rabi a priest and a gay guy are praying. The rabi says amen the priest says amen the gay guy says ahh men.

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What did the starving african child get for his birthday Ebola

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What's green and has wheels? Nope, it's a car.

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A Muslim walks into a public library. 32 people killed in the explosion.

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What did the lawyer say to the Black man? Your case came through, the murderer of your wife has been caught

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Why did the boy eat his homework? Because he was hungry. The teacher would stupid to say it was a piece of cake

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why'd the chicken committed suicide?? to get to the other side

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How do you become a superhero? Eat 10 buckets of KFC.

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A blonde, brunette, and redhead live in the same neighborhood. They are Desperate Housewives

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What is green and smells like paint? Grass, it doesnt smell like paint, I lied.

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why do asprins work? Because they're white

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How many ants are in the kitchen? None. We killed them all.

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Knock Knock Who's There No-one your not very popular

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What did the tractor say when he lost his farmer? Where's my farmer??????

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There are 3 prisoners inside a cage. All the prisoners are blind folded and wearing hats. They are told there are 5 hats all together, 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. If one of them can answer what color hat they are wearing they are all set free. However, they have no idea what color hat they are wearing, only what color hat the other prisoners are wearing. They are also not allowed to tell what color the others are wearing. So the game begins: The first prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the first prisoner says "I don't know." The second prisoner takes off his blind fold. The guard says "What color hat are you wearing?" and the second prisoner says the same thing, "I don't know" Now the third prisoner didn't even need to take off his blind fold. He already knew the answer. He said, "Sir, I know I am wearing a red hat" The guard smiled and all the prisoners are set free. Why? If the first prisoner saw the other prisoners blue hats then he knows he's wearing a red hat because there are only 2 blue hats and 3 red hats. But he sees one guy wearing blue and one guy wearing red, so he says "I don't know." The second prisoner took off his blind fold and the same thoughts occur. If he saw the other prisoners wearing all 2 blue hats, then he knows he's wearing red. Instead, he sees one guy wearing a blue hat and the other guy wearing a red hat. So he says "I don't know" Now the third prisoner doesn't even need to take off his blind fold. Why? He heard the other prisoners saying they don't know, which led him to believe that all they saw was blue and red hats. That means if he takes of his blind fold he will see that both of the previous prisoners will be wearing blue hats and since there are only 2 blue hats available, he must be wearing a red hat.

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What do you get when you cross a sheep with a lion? A dead sheep.

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What's brown and sticky? Dog turd

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What do a bicycle and a platypus have in common? They both have wheels, except the platypus doesn't.

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How are this and that alike? They aren't.

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Why did the boy go back in time? He didn't. He was mutilated by rabid apes.

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But that just reinforces the negative stereotype that women don't have penises.

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Haiku's aren't real poems. No body understands them. My soul is burned toast.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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