What's orange and sounds like a parrot? An orange parrot.

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So this guy filled with blood, right? This caused his veins to protrude and him to bleed strongly when he cut his wrists with razors later that night- because of his struggle with depression and substance abuse.

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Why did the woman call 911? Fire.

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*Phone rings* Hello? Hi, is your refrigerator running? No, it actually broke down yesterday. Are you the repair man? Yes, the repairs will cost $400

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A mercenary was sent from the US to kill a terrorist leader. He was captured by the terrorists but wouldn't give away any information. They beat him, shocked him, cut him, and punched him in a dark room with a light beaming right down on him like a spotlight. It was a grueling five long days until they said "We know you have the information we want, tell us or you will die!" The mercenary sat in silence. They took out a gun and pointed it to his head. The mercenary then broke down and told the terrorists the information they wanted to hear. The terrorists then shot him to death.

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*insert corny "a man walks into a bar" joke here*

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Did you hear about the elderly bank robber? Me neither.

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Yo mama so fat! She should be concerned because diabetes is a serious problem that can lead to a heart attack. Also STOP EATING MCDONALDS.

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How do you annoy Lady Gaga? Stab her with a knife.

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- Why a black man can not jump? - Because he broken his leg.

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whats black and white and red all over? ...a nun in a blender

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A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The three of them discuss theology for quite some time and then begin approach various patrons with invites to attend their respective Sunday services.

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Why did the gecko cross the road.... Because he saw great deals on car insurance!!!

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I hate it when I get an erection and it pushes Pluto out of orbit.

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What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr.dre

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how may horses can you fit in a blender i can't remember what is red and goes 100KPH a horse in a blender

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Yo mama is so hot that she needed to lower the temperature

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What disease did the gay man get from his partner? Streptococcus!

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How can you spot a blind person at a nudist colony? They might be carrying a white stick, or have a guide dog or someone to help them navigate the premises.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

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roses are red violets are blue bullets are lead now i shoot you

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SteVen Hawking wals into a bar

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it has a serious crack addiction and there was a drug dealer on the other side.

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Why did the burrito taste bad? It's a giraffe.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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