How do you tell the difference between a pig and a sea pig? If you open your mouth and it fills with water, you are an idiot

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, that was a turkey. Oh.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Can people stop posting grammatically incorrect jokes on here. Half of the sentences do not make sense.

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What did the young girl with leukemia say to a stranger? I am afraid

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What do you get when you cross The Incredible Hulk and King Kong? Two angry fictional characters.

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How do you trap a squirrel? You carefully set up a trap and place acorns in the trap.

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Why does Owen Wilson have an ugly nose? Because of his refusal to get plastic surgery.

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What do Vladimir Putin and a snake have in common? A central nervous system, to name but one of the many biological similarities.

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How did the old man die? His family locked him in the basement and then burned the house

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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Why does Stuart go to Zu Bar? Because he deals cocaine to his fellow raving companions

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Person 1: I have one question: What are those?!?!?!?!?! Person 2 : Their shoes you Dimwit. Person 1: (runs away crying) -by Mekkhi

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So these IRS agents were negotiating a deal.....

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A homosexual and a heterosexual bump into each other on the street. But its okay, because although they both lead very different lifestyles, they are open minded enough to respect each others choices and both apologize and keep walking.

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KIMBERLEY HONEY

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Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field

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What did the black man do when his Polish friend died of cancer? He fertilized his front lawn as it was beginning to burn due to overexposure of the sun.

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9/11.

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Why did sally fall off the swing? She had no arms... Why couldn't sally get up? She had no legs Why did no one help sally? Because she has no friends.

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How many ecotards does it take to change a light globe? Ve Vill Change all ze light globes to use;less grey vuns and you vill luv it or else ve vill kill you to save ze planet

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Knock Knock Come in!

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knock knock come back later i'm taking a shower!!!

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a brunette? One is blonde and one is brunette.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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