two philosophers stood in silence at the foot of a very large mountain; a mountain not only too high to climb, but also too wide to walk around. So the first philosopher finally speaks: "...so, what do you do for a living?"

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Why do jews have long noses? Because they received the genetic alleles from their parents that cause the nose to grow longer.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's black and is as fast as a car? A black car.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Q: What is better than sex? A: A relationship where you can be completely intimate with your partner

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are red. Violets are blue. At least that's what I've heard, I'm blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

What is worse worse than stubbing your toe? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did Jack give Jill for Christmas? Herpes.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q.Who do you call a lesbian. A.Shhaammmmm

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A duckling is following its mother, but gets separated. Noticing that her child is lost the mother duck calls out, and the duckling finds her quickly.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers have no feelings.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are red violets are blue, he is for me and not for you, he's too ugly you can have him

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why is Skrillex so bad a fishing? He has Parkinson's Disease

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q. Did you hear about the kid napping? A. Yeah, he woke up and was grumpy

thumb_up thumb_down +51

What did the gay logger do to the tree with a hole in it? Cut it down.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

There were once three bears who lived in a cottage in the forest. They left to go to the market one day. While they were gone a blonde girl walked into their cabin. Meanwhile at the market, everyone was freaking out that there were bears there.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ...get back in the kitchen, I'm hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A jew, a black man, a muslim, an atheist, a christian, a catholic, a roman, a russian, a cuban, an english man, a horse, a cow boy, a gay, a lesbian, a dancer, a teacher, a father, a mayor, a politician and a fish are in a bar. Now that's one crowded bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why is Obama the Antichrist? Salad.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Aaron Cummings is me. Find me on facebook:)

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Suzie.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you call a Mexican man in prison? A prison officer.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a black man selling drugs? average

thumb_up thumb_down -12

pady irish man paddy english man and paddy african man go on a magic slide wat ever you say will be at the bottem paddy irish man said gold paddy english man silver paddy african man almost fell off so he said shit buthalf way down he thought it was fun so he said wee

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops