what can you give to a millionaire to make him happy? sex

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oh, brown loaf is fine, i'm on my bike.

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What do you call a jew with no money It doesn't really matter because all jews have money

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If i had 100 dollars for every time a black president was assainted i would have 100 dollars in 4 months and six days.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, My farts stink, And so do you.

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Wanna hear a joke? YEAH! Hold on. Okay, tell me when to let go.

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What did the blonde say to the other blonde? "Hey, do you want to get something to eat?"

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Why did the black guy fail his math test? Because he did not study enough and as a result was no prepared to take a test on that material.

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Roses are red Violets are red Daisies are red Tulips are red Magnolias are red Weeds are red Carnations are red Crap, my gardens on fire.

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What happens when you throw a red rock into a purple river? It gets wet...

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what r the two best ways to describe a guy whose eating a bannana while peeing, time conservative and a multitasker

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good looking women

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why did sally drown? because she had no arms or legs and couldn't swim

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2 tomatoes walk across a road tomato 1 gets hit by a car tomato 2 gets confused, because tomatoes don't have legs and therefore cannot "walk across a road" And furthermore, a tomato does not have a brain, and thus cannot get confused.

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You might be a redneck if you're from a rural area and behave as such.

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What do you call five white guys sitting on a bench? THe NBA

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How many elephants can you fit in a mini? None. There are no affordable cars large enough to fit a fully grown elephant.

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Q: How do you get a one armed blond of of a tree? A: You grab a ladder and help her down safely.

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Why didn't the girl put on her mascara? Because she was too poor to buy any.

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The original Moral Man has left Horsehead network, but I will keep monitoring this section for like 3 hours... Then probably never again on this shit site it barely works ffs! Moral: "Turn every stone, and you might find a penny, turn every penny and you might find a stone that stone is in our shoe, kick it away, crush it, destroy it"

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This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He did not have sufficient stability in his arm at that moment causing him to loosen his grip and drop his ice cream.

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how many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb just 2 but it beats me how they got in there

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What did the zero say to the eight? I don't know,numbers are inanimate objects so they can't talk.God, what did you think?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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