What's red and smells like blue paint? red paint

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What did the mute man say to his mother? Seeing as mute men can't talk, we'll never know

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What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches

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Your moms so fat She should get some help because there's nothing good about being fat

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Yo mama so stupid that when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead

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What's brown and sticky? Anal

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Why did Silly Billy throw a clock out the window? Because he has a serious anger problem.

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What would kill a Muslim if they were to ingest it? Arsenic

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If one train is heading North at 60 mph, na danother train is heading South at 45 mph, how many waffles are on the roof? The answer is purple, because aliens like coffee.

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What do you tell a 500 lb. Sumo wrestler who's eating your food? Stop eating my food.

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what do you call a black guy in a cop car a cop

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Obamacare

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What do you get when you mix carbonated water, caramel color, aspartame, phosporic acid, potassium benzoate, caffeine, citric acid, and natural flavor? Diet Pepsi

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What's spotted and has dildos strapped to their neck? Jews

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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How do you trap a squirrel? You carefully set up a trap and place acorns in the trap.

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What do nine out of ten people enjoy? Gang rape.

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Why was Andy's resume declined? Because he was molested as a child.

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A man with glasses and a cane walks out if a clothing store and accidentally bumps into a woman, knocking his hat off "Can't you watch where you're going?" the woman asks. The man then slaps her, knocking her to the ground. He picks up his new designer fedora, and drives off in his $90,000 Cadillac. The woman, after dusting herself off, gets the guy's plates, convinces a few witnesses to testify against the man, and informs the authorities of an assault. He was later arrested for assault as well as pimping and soliciting sex. He is found guilty in a court of law and is sentenced to 2-5 years in prison, and is doled a hefty fine.

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FORTY SECONDS!!!!!!

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What happened to Jillian when she walked out the door? She got hit by a bus A. Knock knock B. Whos there? A. Not Jillian

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God wrote this joke.................................

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Knock knock. Who's there? It's the police, mam. We need to speak to you about your son Robert. It's the police, mam. We need to speak to you about your son Robert who? Mam, he was in an accident. Could you open the door please?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like saying the colors of flowers... how about you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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