Why couldn't Harry Potter get a job at Mc Donalds? Because he isn't real.

I used to fit trough doors, but then I got tall... I used to play with other babies, but then I got tall... (daradadadadan) I used to look up to you, but then I got tall (OH YEAH!) but then I got tall, but then I got tall, but then I got tall! Moral: Censorship should be illegal.

The real Justin Beiber reallly followed me on twitter I deleted my account, set my computer on fire, scattered the ashes and killed myself

Why couldn't the boy sing? The boy could sing, but the thick layer of duct tape prevented him from doing so.

Q - what did one plate say to the other? A - FOods on me tonight!

Why did he die? He was sick.

How do you scare a blonde woman? Tie her up and mutilate her family while she watches.

red is red blue is blue derpy derp de derp

On a deserted island in the middle of nowhere three women have just been in a horrible boat wreck. They are okay and alive. One is a lovely smart brunette. An appealing ginger. And a blond.. named Becky. They take shelter when one of them notices a shimmer in the sand. They pick it up to discover that it was a golden lamp. They rub it and a blue cloud of smoke consumes them. Then a magnificent Guinnie appears and says "You have awoken me from my 10,000 year encasement inside that lamp! I shall grant you 3 wishes to show you my sincere gratitude." The brunette wishes for a plane so she can fly home. The ginger wishes for a boat to sail back home. The blonde was lonely so she wished that the brunette and the ginger were back with her.

Yo mamma's so old she is dead.

whats harder than watching a dog get hit by a bus? my boner..

matt f stupid because no one likes him

So a black man, a white man and a latina walk into a sentence that doesn't end how you expected it to.

A man buys some expensive lingerie for his wife on the occasion of their 10th wedding anniversary. After a lovely candlelight dinner at home, he tells her to close her eyes at which point he retrieves the gift box containing her anniversary present. Thoroughly exited, she rips open the box and takes out the beautiful garment, holding it up to the light in wide-eyed amazement. Her husband gives her a suggestive wink and says "would you like to join me in the bedroom to try it on?" To which she replies, "I AIN'T YER WHORE!"

have you seen Stevie Wonders house? Nope. oh well sorry for bothering you

How do you make a girl wet? Throw her in the pool

what did God say on the 7th day? -zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A man sees a clown, a robot, and a monkey walking down the street side by side. The man ponders the randomness of life.

Osama Bin Laden dies.

What's brown and smells like poop? A monkey.

Knock, Knock Why did you just say knock knock?

i am an inbred jew who likes penis up my bum ~Nathan Barras

Why did the mushroom get invited to the party? He is a fun-gi!!

What would you call the fatty cranial mass surrounding a malignant tumor? Ted Kennedy's Head.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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