Why did the little boy throw a clock out of the window? Because he wanted to break it.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the mountains? A: Bear food.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Me: What postion in baseball does a cat play? You: I don't know? What? Me: I don't know i haven't eaten that part yet.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why do blacks have a little white on their hands? God has always said that everybody has a little good in them.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you make a blonde happy? Do something that causes that person to release endorphins.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A man and his wife go out to dinner, after dinner they return home safely and the man kisses his wife good night. He then leaves his house, and goes to a bar with another women. He is a polygamast and it is socially acceptable in his town.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Seen the new batman movie? [spoiler] the audience dies

thumb_up thumb_down -4

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. But neither one of them knew.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q.How do you wake up Lady Gaga? A.You don't. You kill her.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I walked down the street. I picked up a quarter. It was shiny. Then I walked to school. I finished school, so I walked home, did my homework, and went to bed. Lesson learned: quadratic formula

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What happens when you have fish and a rhino mate? Nothing, that is physically impossible, a rhino is a lot bigger than a fish and it would not be possible for a rhino to do that with a fish considering a rhino can't breathe under water and a fish can't breath with out air.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's gray and comes in buckets? An elephant

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A black guy walks into a shoe store and buys a pair of size 14 shoes. The cashier smiles and says: so is it true what they say about big feet? The black guy laughs for a moment and responds: yeah it's really hard to find socks that fit.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How do you circumsize a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

what do a plum and a rabbit have in common? there both purple except for the rabbit

thumb_up thumb_down +18

why didnt the mouse go for the cheese on the mouse trap it is proven that mice dont actually really like cheese all that much.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

Q: How many Jews can u fit in a bathtub? A: Well it depends if you use their ashes.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man with a ski mask leaves a jewelry store He then goes back because he accidentally took the clerk's pen

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A man walks into a bar. He has suffered from a concussion and is now in the emergency room.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

My friend asks me what my mom does for a living and i told him that she is a nurse. Then he says "That a good job because she is able to save lives". I quickly reply "She works in an abortion clinic".

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What did James say when he couldn't find his car? "My name's James".

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are Red Violets are Blue If You Bend Over Some More I'll Eat That Booty Too

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He didn't. He slowly ate it on a warm day although it's taste was somewhat of a disappointment.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops