how do you get someone out of a chair? hit him with a shovel

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? Because it wanted to be a monkey? Why did the John fall out of the tree? Because he has no arms and legs because he suffers from a severe case of lepracy. Why did Timmy fall off his bike? Because he got hit by three monkeys, a fridge and a boy with no limbs.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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what did the black man say to the white man? hi

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What do you call a white guy surrounded by 10 black guys? In this situation, the minority.

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I like my coffee the same way I like my woman with big tits I lied about the woman

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How do you wake up lady gaga? Set an alarm for an appropriate time

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Your mom is so fat that she enjoys junk food regularly.

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Derpy Hooves is retarded.

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Snausages.

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what happens during a climax apples

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Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup? It isn't doing anything, sir. It's dead.

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knock knock who's there Berry Joe Berry Joe who? I just told you, Berry Joe. oh.

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what do you call a black man who is flying a plane? A: a piolt

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version 2 knock knock, whose there FU CK FU CK who FU CK YOU

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Sorry, wrong number.

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what do you call a black man on crack? a crackhead.

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How did the fat man avoid getting dehydrated? Fat men don't excersise and therefore cannot become dehydrated.

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Never bring a knife to a sword fight Bring A GIANT FREAKING HIPPOPOTAMUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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The internet is the most terrible fucking place in existence.

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knock knock whos there a boy a boy who ? oh, sorry he just got hit by a train.

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Why was the tomato blushing? It saw the salad dressing.

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A rabbi walks into a bar mitzvah

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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