*Knock Knock* "whose there?"... "me"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. At what point would a chicken consciously know it was crossing a road.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What did the guy say to the girl when he was holding a tool? You're a tool????

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Malcolm Johnson from Zenith windows, I was wondering if I could speak to you for a while about some fantastic offers which we currently have on double glazed windows....

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How do you know when everybody on a plane crash is dead ? When your the only one who walked out

thumb_up thumb_down -15

knock knock whos there? the police, your under arrest

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did the man say when he was asked if he recently saw a mime painting a lawn chair in the middle of December? "No." , and walked away, slightly confused by the matter.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Why couldn't Peter climb the tree? Because he's a fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what did the homeless man get for christmas.......................nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do you call a black man without a job? A man disenfranchised by the failing American economy.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the chicken cross the road? He was standing next to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Its over 9000 penises and they're all raping little children!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Girl: What is your phone number? Guy: 1-800-Choke-Dat-Ho

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How old are you? 20

thumb_up thumb_down +11

There is a British man, a Mexican man,and a American man on a boat. The captain sad the boat is carrying to much weight so the each have to throw off something they have to much of. The Brit throws tea, The Mexican throws tacos, and The American throws the Mexican.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? - It was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the tiger.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck, If a wood chuck could chuck wood? A full study has never been commissioned into the amount of wood chucked by a groundhog and thus far remains an unknown quantity. ls

thumb_up thumb_down -3

why was the boy sad? because his penis was stapled to a coffee table

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the army guy say when he lost his gun. Wheres my gun.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Yo mama is so short, she has trouble reaching the top shelf.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Nice legs, what time do they open the free bar, I'd like to by you a drink.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why can't Ray Charles drive? Because he's blind? No, because he's dead

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops