A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism. "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." "Banana who?" "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." "I already asked ''Banana who?'' Is that your real name? Who is this really?" "Knock Knock." "You are upsetting me. I am calling the police now. Please get off my property."

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's worse than doing the dishes with long sleeves? Finding out your girlfriend's been cheating on you.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

010011100110100101100011011001010010000001110100011100100111100100101100001000000110001001110101011101000010000001110100011010000110010100100000011010100110111101101011011001010010000001101001011100110010000001110011011011110110110101100101011101110110100001100101011100100110010100100000011001010110110001110011011001012

thumb_up thumb_down

What happens if you fell off a 600 foot cliff? You die.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the airplane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What is the result of a couples' feud? 96.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the clam not like to share? The deep sea is a competitive environment, where survival of the fittest is prominent.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

an invisible man walks into a bar and asks for a drink. No one noticed him cause hes invisible

thumb_up thumb_down +10

why did the man commit scuicide because he was depressed

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why is Michael J. Fox so go at dance? Because he took lesson as a child

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was free-range.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Did you know that if you took all the elephants on earth and lined them up in space, that all the elephants would die???

thumb_up thumb_down

What did one cat say to the other cat? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Pickles

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why was 6 afraid of 7? When 6 was younger, he was made fun of by all the bigger numbers. Everyday after school he would go home and wonder why he was made fun of. Was it his looks? How tall he was? The pain and suffering never stopped. He thought of suicide every day he got home from school. One day his mom got home from work and found 6 bleeding in the shower. She thought he was dead. She hurried him to the hospital where he was barely kept alive. After months of recovery, he started going back to school. The bullying never stopped, they started calling him a loser who should have died. He got older and depressed as a teenager. He got ahold of alcohol and began drinking. He went to meetings and got over his addiction. 10 years later he meets up with 7. It takes him back to his horrible childhood with the big numbers. Every time 6 sees 7, he gets reminded of everything. 7 had also murdered someone in front of 6.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why was the elf sad Because a polar bear ate his family

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But this one doesn't

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock knock. Man: Who's there? Hooker: The hooker you called for. Man: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. Wife: Honey, who is it? Man: The hooker I called for, but you haven't left yet. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why was justin sad? his family was murdered

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did Jill come "tumbling" down the hill after Jack broke his crown? She fell running on a hill, essentially why Jack broke his crown.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What the difference between a circle and a triangle? You're an idiot if you don't know the difference.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

A muslim man takes a flight to New York. He lands safely at JFK airport.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

a man walks into a bar.... his? drinking problem is seriously affecting his family

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What is green and drives around in the desert and is not a tank? secretly a tank

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops