Roses are red,Lemons are sour,Open your legs and give me an hour.

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Knock knock. Who's there?

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In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

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Why did sally fall off the swings? She didn't have any arms. Knock Knock, Who's there? Not Sally, she doesn't have any arms.

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Two kids walked into a bar. One jumped over it

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Q:Waht did the blind deaf kid get for chrismas? A: Cancer

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roses are red violents are blue your dad is gay soon it all be you !

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What's big and looks like a mushroom? A Mushroom.

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What did the cow say to his friend? Moo.

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Why did the man not go to church? He was an atheist.

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An owl and a squirrel watch a farmer walk by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls are not capable of human speech. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

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if u r not my friend, like this joke

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Pull my finger ouch..

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what do an elephant, a fishook, and a spaceship have in common? absolutely nothing

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A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

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When I was a kid, I had a clown at my birthday party. He molested me. Later I found out the clown was my dad.

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Midgets' mouths are perfect height for, kissing other midgets.

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Q: How do you learn the best break dance moves? A: I don't know. You figure it out.

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What do you call a thirsty girl? H2Hoe

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I don't hate you because you're fat. You're fat because I hate you

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How do you keep an extraordinary magician from performing his show? Replace his shampoo with battery acid

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What do you get when you cross a black man and an octopus? I don't know, but it sure would pick a lot of cotton.

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Yo momma is SO black.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Wrong. Violets should be purple.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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