Why did Elliot Spitzer cross the road? To go have sex with a hooker.

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A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office covered only in Saran Wrap. He asks the doctor, "The strip of metal teeth is missing from the box, so could I borrow your scissors?"

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i feel bad for black people (even though u can't consider them people)

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What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?

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Why did the catfish cross the road? Catfish can't walk.

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what's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? when you slap a mosquito it stops sucking:)

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A man walked into a bar, therefore beginning a lifetime of alcoholism that would slowly tear his family apart.

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A man is kidnapped shortly after being diagnosed with a new type of cancer in his left hand and is also left handed. When he is dropped off after being kidnapped it turns out a doctor hired the kidnappers to bring him a patient. The doctor notices the tumor is still in a stage where it hasn't spread to the rest of his body. The docter then claims to have a way to remove his cancer with minimal damage to the rest of him. So the doctor pulls out a laser sword and cuts off the man's left hand and says,"There, no more vancer for you!"

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An Irishman stays home

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Why did Henry jump of a cliff? He was in deep depression.

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Knock knock "Honey, could you get the door?" "I'm tired of doing everything here! Get you ass up and do it yourself!" "Well why don't you just go back to bar you whore?" "This marriage was a mistake, I'm going back to mother!" They divorced 5 months later.

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Roses are red Violets are blue your mum is fat and so are you

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Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, I have Alzheimers, Hey i just met you.

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What do you call something that shoots out a white gooey liquid? A shampoo bottle

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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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What did the black man say about Linkin Park? That there's obviously a rapist in their midst and they should all be questioned.

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Your Mama is so poor. I begin to worry about you and your familys' finacial situation.

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why did the black child get sent to child services? because he has an abusive father and an alcoholic mother

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Hey how is your wife and my kids

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there are three types of people in this world, those who can't count, and those who can. STFU, you corny loser

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How come Susie fell off of the swing? -because I hit her with an axe

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A blonde walks into an electronics store to buy a toaster, the shopkeeper tells her that they do not serve blondes. She sues for discrimination and receives a considerable cash settlement while the shopkeeper looses his store and reluctantly works at a fast food franchise.

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One linners President Kinnedy did you like the parade President Lincon did you like the play

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What do you call it when Justin Beiber has sex with a woman? Intercourse.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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