I went to Nebraska and saw a dead squirrel

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What starts with S and end in H-I-T? shit.

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What did the crowd do when a lion walked into the bar? Got up and left because they realized the potential danger of the situation.

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Do you know what Chuck Norris does for a living? He's an actor, I also heard he's quite good with martial arts.

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When your scuba diving why do u jump off backwards beacause if u jump forwards than u witll still be in the boat!!!!!!

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Being the worm.

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There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children her uterus fell out.

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What she says: “You’re really sweet, but I have a boyfriend.” What she means: “You’re really sweet, but I definitely don’t want to date you.”

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Who has a higher pitched voice than the average man? A woman.

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Knock Knock Who's there? You You Who? Yes? Can I help you madam?

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Yo mamas so fat

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An Asian walks into a Chinese restaurant. Then he decides that he would prefer Mexican instead, and drives to a Taco Bell.

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Whats the worst part about being fat? Your fat.

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A heavily drunk man walks into a bar and proceeds to die of alcohol poisoning.

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Knock knock Who's there No one We are all on the computer

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I know there are, its not the illuminati, its not reptilian shapeshifters, nor Gods politicians nor the human condition. Its society today as it stands, they did not have the right to attack us, but if we had surpassed them, they would have lost all power, they are the relics of the past, and no matter how many of them stand, they do not grow, and what does not grow, stagnates until it finally dies. Lose hope in people most all you want, but not in the few that truly believe in you for all the good reasons in the world, perhaps we are idealists, or maybe we know that with you by our side, what we see as ideals, is something you can make come true.

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what is the difference between a picture of brooklyn decker and my grandma....i jack off to the picture of my grandma

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Why do black people like watermelons so much? They don't. It's just a stereotype.

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How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? Physical abuse.

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A man dies from a cat attack. he goes up to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter asks him, " how did you die sir?" The man doesn't reply so Peter says, "cat got your tongue?" "No," he says, "cat got my throat!"

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What do you do when life hands you lemons? Such a statement assumes that life is an actual person, which is impossible. Thus, you do not need to concern yourself with what you must do when life hands you lemons.

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Q: Why did the girl fall of her swing? A: She was hit by a rogue fridge. Q: Why didn't she get back up? A: She was quite badly injured.

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Knock Knock Nobody Nobody who? Nobody, did you not hear what I just said.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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