Q: What do you get when you put a boy and a girl together in a locked room? A: Blood and gore.

It's Christmas Eve and your entire family is gone for 12 hours to by you presents. What will you do while there gone? By the time you figured out what you will do you will hear a knock at your door. It's the police they are here to tell you your entire family was murdered during a shooting at the mall. The sad part is you will not receive your NEW Beats, your Xbox 1, or your make up.

Why did the man cross the street? Because no cars were coming and he wanted to get to the othher side

What was the black woman doing in the kitchen? She was simply washing her hands after eating dinner.

What lives in a pineapple under the sea? Japanese People

are you from Tennessee, cause i wanna rip out your throat you piece of dirt

Why did the man have blood on his finger? Because he popped a pimple

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? He is short and finds it difficult getting from place to place.

In Soviet Russia its very cold

What is a dead cat on the side of the road. A free cat.

Why is it bad to have 10 blond girls in a closet at the same time? The closet is a very compacted space and one of them is a claustrophobic.

The king has three daughters. One day, one of the daughters comes into his room and asks, "Father, why is my name Rose?" King replies,"well, a rose petal fell on your head when you were a baby." The next day, the second daughter comes into his room and asks,"Father, why is my name Tulip?" the king replies,"A tulip fell on your head when you were a bay." On the next day, the final daughter comes in and says, "BLAJSFUAGHASRAKKKKKK." The king says,"Shut up, Cinderblock."

Whats the best thing that happened to the jews The Holocaust

a group of jews went to a factory to apply for jobs. Only one came out.

what's worse than falling and scraping your knee? living within a 10 mile radius of a Japanese nuclear reactor

What's the difference between a black man and and a bag of crap? A lot, but mostly the bag

What did the anti-joke say? Nothing for it is an anti-joke which is a group of word formed to create a sentence and sentences cannot speak.

Black people

Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews undergo metabolism, maintain homeostasis, possess a capacity to grow, respond to stimuli, reproduce and, through natural selection, adapt to their environment in successive generations. More complex living organisms can communicate through various means.[1][5] A diverse array of living organisms (life forms) can be found in the biosphere on Earth, and the properties common to these organisms—plants, animals, fungi, protists, archaea, and bacteria—are a carbon- and water-based cellular form with complex organization and heritable genetic information. Pizza does not.

What is brown and has 15 legs? (They answer "What?") Reply: I don't know I was hoping you would.

yo mamma's so fat, when she jumped into the ocean, everyone yelled "tsunami!".

womens rights

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a school bus and died.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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