what did the comedian tell the audience? a joke.

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Why did the bird fall out of the tree?" "Because it was dead?" "No. Becaus it was stapled to the squirrel.

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What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? It doesn't matter what you call him. He won't come.

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Not lying Red, I have my contacts, I am a "facilitator", I pull strings for my employers, and sure the FBI has me on their files, after all we have cooperated with them. Not because I wanted to, but because its my job, and it helps me use the best of my abilities and limited education (I am technically an educated lawyer, and not an agent).

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I hate you so suck on poo.

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What's the difference between a educated black man & a educated white man? One's black, One's white

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His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

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What did Helen Keller say to the priest? Nothing, she didn't know he was there.

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Why is adam jackson so black when his parents are white? their was alot of black dick up their during the pregnency. (once you go black, you NEVER go back!)

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Why couldn't kitty drink it's milk?\ It's face was nailed to the floor

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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What was going through the minds of the Sandy Hook victims? Bullets.

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Ten green bottles hanging on the wall, Ten green bottles hanging on the wall, And if one alcoholic should one day stroll along: There'll be no more bottles hanging on the wall.

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I hated the Reading festival, i'm dyslexic. I hated it because my family died in a housefire while I was there.

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So, a Vulcan walks into a bar... and he doesn't say anything, because Vulcan's suppress their emotions.

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Your mother is SO wealthy, that she should help stop the poor children in Africa from starving by donating some spare change to the Let's-Help-Stop-The-Poor-Little-African-Children-From-Starving donation center. -not a real place!!!!!

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A man is walking in the desert, alone and lost, when suddenly he finds a lamp. The man picks up the lamp and to his surprise, a genie bursts out of the lamp ! The genie says to the man: "Thank you, kind man! You have freed me from this prison I have been in for a million years. I am in your dept and will grant you three wishes." The man replies: "Wow, you've been in there for a million years and all you have to give me are three wishes?" The genie was really sad to hear of the man's lack of appreciation and flew away, leaving the man. The man eventually died of starvation and dehydration.

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What do you call a man wearing a fedora doing the moonwalk? A man wearing a fedora doing the moonwalk.

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Q. What do you call a blonde in a library? A. Lost.

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Chuck Norris' balls were so big that he went to the doctor to get them checked on and it was discovered that he had testicular cancer.

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One time I masturbated by myself

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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There once was a man who couldn't finish any sente

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A blond walks into McDonalds. She orders and leaves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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