What has two thumbs and cancer? This guy.

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Whats worse than getting a papercut on the side of your finger? Being shotgunned in the ass

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A gorilla walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of celery. The bartender stands speechless due to the ridiculousness of the given situation.

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Why did the boy get stuck on the toilet? He was Elvis.

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Roses are red Violets are red Shit My garden's on fire?

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My two friends Larry and Paul are both race horses. They were getting ready for a big race to quolify them for the Kentucky durby. BANG! The race started! What. Close race! First it was Larry then Paul then Larry then Paul! And finally Larry came out and won it! Paul went to the winners circle and congratulated Larry. He said "hey great job Larry but next time after you come back from touring will you let me win?" Larry says "oh! Of course this couldn't get between us! We're like two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket. We're best friends"... So when he came back from touring Larry said it was great! And promised let Paul win. BANG the race started! It was Paul then Larry then Paul then Larry won again. Paul was a little mad that he he didn't win but he went to congratulate larry anyway. Larry said next time he was deffinetly going to let Paul win, because he wasn't gonna let this get between them because they are two peas in a pod. Closer then bread in a basket, they are best friends. Then after Larry came back from touring he promised again he would let Paul win. BANG! The race started and it was Paul then Larry! Then Paul! Larry! Paul! Then larry won. Paul at this point furious went to the winners circle. He talked to Larry "Larry why didn't you let me win for the third time!? This is just your ego trying to win every time now!?" I didn't want them to fight so I chimed in "Larry, Paul! Please don't fight! Your two peas in a pod! Closer then bread in a basket! Your best friends!! You don't want to fight like this!" Larry turned to Paul and said "Hey look! A talking dog!"

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Q: What's green and goes round and round and round? A: A baby on a blender

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shut up iggy

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Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and oranges? With one,you can make a delicous smoothie, but the other is just a pile of citrus fruits.

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24

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Why can't dinosaurs talk? Because they're all dead

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One day Rebecca Black was driving down the street in a brand new convertible Luckily a policeman pulled her over after observing that she was far too young to be driving a car. Underage driving is a serious offense and should not be endorsed in music videos.

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elen degeneres is straight....

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what do you call a black person who hated fried chicken? a vegetarian.

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why aren't doughnuts square? because they are round

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What did the mentally retarted student get on his SAT? Drool

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Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, "Sure is hot in here." The other muffin says, "AHHHH! A talking muffin."

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Why did the kid have a toy truck? because he bought it

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HI MY NAME IS DOUG

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Have you ever listened to the smell of the color 9? It tastes like freedom!

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5

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There was an Englishman a Welshman and a Scotsman, all of whom were nationals of the United Kingdom.

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Why did the man enter the fridge? He was hot Why is the man not in the chicken shop Hes in the fridge

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A black man in a country bar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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