What do you call a man who just came home from a 72-hour work shift ? You don't call him, you let him sleep.

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What is the difference between baldness and boldness? The second letter.

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Knock knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor who? Doctor Adams. You called me about your father's stroke.

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I think everybody should have a penis. Does that make me a bad feminist?

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting a girl pregnant.

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What did the businessman do to get a promotion? He traded oral sex for his male bosses kind heart...

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How do you confuse a gay person? How? 7

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What's worse than winning the lottery? Anything, really...

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Why did the man go to sleep at 9:30? Because his mom told him to

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uh uh uh uh .... oh i swallowed my gum

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Siri, what is your definition of love? "Let me check on that...Here's what I've found." Google.com search = definition of love

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Why can't Chuck Norris divide by zero Because it's impossible.

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STFU Stop Tickling Fuzzy Unicorns they really don't like it

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I just got AIDS, And soon so will you!

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ati jokes are not to be funny. what about u

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What did the deaf man say to the blind man? The deaf man spoke no identifiable words because he could not hear what he was saying. He mumbled a few phrases in jibberish, and the blind man continued looking for his favorite brand of Ramen Noodles at his local Harris Teeter.

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what happened to the little girl when she crossed the line she was shot. shes mexican

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A Jew and a German meet by chance in a bar. They exchange pleasantries and order drinks. At the end of the evening they leave, having made a friend.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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The diamond one below is hilarious.

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Your mom

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Why did they bury the fireman at the side of the hill? Because he was dead

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What's brown and sticky? 'Brown' is a colour, and 'sticky' is a consistency. Please try and use correct grammar.

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Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because they wouldn't be able to live anywhere else.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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