Why do bats fly in circles? They're mentally retarded.

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How do you know a man is Jewish? Because he told you or you met him in a synagogue.

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An irishman walks into a bar and stays there until he goes home.

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What did the stick of butter say to the lemon? "I'm a stick of butter"

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What do a duck and a bike have in common? They both have handle bars except for the duck

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What happens when you shoot a priest in the heart? He dies.

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What is black, often hung by a rope on a tree, and something white people like to play with? A tire swing.

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Why did Mia fall off of Lucy's bike?.. She was 4 and hadn't learned how to ride a bike yet... Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead... Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?.. It was stapled to the first monkey... Why was Suzie angry?.. Her parents had only found one bike at the marketplace... Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?.. It thought it was a game... Why did the fridge fall out of the tree?.. It had no arms... Lucy fall off her bike?.. She was crushed by 3 monkeys and a fridge... There's 500 bricks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left?.. 499 bricks... How do you get an elephant into a fridge?.. Open the fridge, take the elephant out, close the fridge... How do you get a deer into a fridge?.. Open the fridge, take the elephant out, close the fridge... The lion is celebrating his birthday and, being the king of the jungle, all the other animals were in attendance except for one... Why?.. The deer was in the fridge... Little Mia is looking for Lucy and comes across an alligator-infested river... How does she cross it?... She swam... The alligators are at the lion's party... She died anyways, though... What happened?.. A brick fell on her head... Why did Suzie fall off the swing?.. She was trampled by the elephant, who was in a hurry to get to the lion's party in time... Why did the ethologist couple commit suicide?.. Their 3 daughters there killed by a brick, an elephant and 3 dead monkeys followed by a fridge... Note: yeah not 100% original, i mixed some already existing jokes together... works better if you don't tell them all at once but sprinkle them in with lots of other unrelated jokes...

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What's worse than slipping on a banana peel? Amanda Todd's suicide.

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Why did Susie fall off the swingset? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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What did Connor say to the fat man? Dude ur extremely fat.

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What is blue and looks like a bucket? A blue bucket

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Why did a boy drop his ice cream? The Holocaust.

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roses are red vilotes are blue i thought i was bent but then i met you

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How do you get your little brother to stop kicking you? Stick his feet in the garbage disposal.

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What did the deaf, dumb, blind, and mute child get for his birthday? Nothing, his parents hate him.

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Roses are blue Violets are buckets this poem makes no sense Washing machines

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Your mother is so heavy that she decided to try out nutrisystem

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You're a big fat monkey.

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Roses are gray, violets are gray. I am a dog.

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An old jewish man, an irish man, and a young mexican woman in her mid 20's are on an island. They eventually become hungry to a extremely ravishing extent. The jew cries out: "I can't take the thought of consuming man, because I am only allowed to consume kosher" The Mexican says: "Alright" The Irishman says: "O.K. Until then lets head over to Timilio's... I hear they are a fine establishment and also serve Kosher meals."

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What is an Indian's favourite country? North Currya

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why did the little boy put a bandaid on his knee. it doesn't really matter, he has cancer.

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How did the old man keep the kids off his lawn? By molesting their Moms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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