What happens when an alien touches fire? It gets burnt

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what did the jew say to the other jew in WWII?..... "We're both going to die."

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What was Steve Jobs' favorite fruit? Grapes.

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A ham sandwich walks into a bar, bartender says "We don't serve food here."

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Why did the clam not like to share? The deep sea is a competitive environment, where survival of the fittest is prominent.

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Hey I just met you you are a sneaker smell my gym socks and then pick oot throughyour nose

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a porsche? i don't have i dead baby in my garage. That would be wrong

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Why can't Helen Keller Drive? Because she's a woman.

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What falls down, but never gets back up? A dead person.

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Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? No, we can't.

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Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because its head is so far from its body.

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What's worse than getting full-blown AIDS? Finding a half-eaten worm in your apple.

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why did the couple sell their house? their children were all raped and then murdered in it and they cant stand the memories

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Why does it take women to cum slower than men? Who cares

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face.

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there are three girls one said daddy why is my name rose because a rose fell on her head when yur a baby. daddy why is my name feather because a feather fell on your head when your a baby mumamhama, SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!

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What's funnier than somebody spitting in someone else's food? It's not even funny, it's just plain rude and disgusting.

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Say this to someone: On a scale from one to ten, what is your favorite color?

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What is red and has seven dents? Snow White's Cherry.

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What's most weird about necrophilia? They copulate with dead bodies.

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A wise man once told me that friends are like cookies. He was a cannibal.

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How do you kill a domb blond? Shoot her in the head.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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Q. Why did my ass feel so sweaty? A. Because i was exercising and suckn on some nips.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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