So, there's a lion loose in Colchester. Should've gone to Specsavers... [L]

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Knock Knock . . . I'm coming in!

thumb_up thumb_down

John - hey do you have tickets to see Oasis? Sam - No I bought green day tickets intead. John rolls his eyes at sam very dissapointedly then proceeds to go home. The next day Sam phones John excitedly telling him he traded his Green day tickets for Oasis tickets, a smile appears on Johns and Sams faces, not that they can see each other, they both then put the phone down. An African died. Green Day are a bad band.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the baby get for his 1st birthday? Nothing, he was a Harlequin baby, therefore dying during the last stages of pregnancy.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

a jewish man walks into a wall with an erection. what hits first? his erection

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the gay man buy a prius? because it is a very fuel efficient car and will save him a lot of money of gas

thumb_up thumb_down -16

How do you kill a blonde? Repeatedly stab a knife into her jugular vein

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Scenario: 2 people are in a desert. There is only 1 bottle of water left to drink. Who drinks it? Neither of them, they drink the gallon bottle of gatorade instead.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Where is Madeline McCann? 6 Feet under....

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I'm not hungry, so when my mon offered me a pear I said to her "No thanks, I'm not hungry". 

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the teacher fall on her face? She was shot in the back of her head.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why would you kill a black man? Well, murderers have different motives, the most common of these are revenge or a psychological illness.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a quadriplegic person in the water? One should refer to them by their name, but seeing as a quadriplegic person would be incapable of swimming if you do see a quadriplegic person in a body of water you should seek help or call emergency services.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I hope the Angels win the pennant No pun intended

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Sorry we dont serve time travlers here. A man walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I Wish... I was Charlie Sheen's Dealer

thumb_up thumb_down +96

What is the difference between a blonde and a Mexican? Their hair color.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

7am, waking up in the morning Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal Seein’ everything, the time is goin’ Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’ Gotta get down to the bus stop Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends) Kickin’ in the front seat Sittin’ in the back seat Gotta make my mind up Which seat can I take? It’s Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday REBECCA BLACK FTW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Roses are red Violets are blue I have multiple personality disorder And so do we

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the black family cry? Tyler Perry died

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Chuck Norris' farts are silent and deadly. Deadly because he's Chuck Norris, silent because his butthole is extremely loose

thumb_up thumb_down -20

A man walks into a bar with a couple of chickens by his side. He sees a man sitting at the bar drinking a beer. The man who's drinking the beer offers the other man a seat, and asks him to join him in the drinking. The other man hardly refuses and takes the beer from the other man and throws it on the floor, breaking it. The man sitting at the bar asks him why he did it. The man answers: "My chickens don't like beer"

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why was 6 afraid of 7. Because 7 was a terrorist

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses are Blue Violets are Red I have Alsheimers... Cheese on Toast

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops