how many people does it take to change a light bulb....... none..................its stilll bright

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How do you make Jacob cry? Take away his xbox

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Why did lil yazzy watch The Hills at 12:40 in the morning? Because she was casually surfing netflix and clicked on it.

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what's the worst way to fall asleep? sad. it makes you lose sleep.

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What did the pedophile say to the delightfully curly-headed youth? If I can't have you, I'm going to shoot you through the nails with a nail gun.

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what did steven hawking say to the prostitute? Nothing, he is unable to speak, he needs help from his word speaker thing.

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I'm shy. The last shitbender. How do you fit babies in that bowl? Get a blender.

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How long does it take you to count to 5? 5 seconds.

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How did Helen Keller burn her hands? On a candle.

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Why couldn't the teenager go to the pirate movie? He didn't have any money.

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What did I eat for my breakfast? My breakfast.

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What do you get when you cross a turtle and a kangaroo? A hybrid combination of the two that is characterized by specific traits of both animals.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Boo Radley, I live next door.

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How do you get an annoying baby to shut up? Hit it with a bat

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How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house? You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbours saw him. I wouldn't worry about it, really.

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What's worse than tripping over a tree root? The destruction of the ancient city of Pompeii in A.D. 79. Though tripping over a tree root may hurt and result in the victim bleeding profusely, we live in the 21st century and at any time can call a doctor using a cellular device called a phone. In A.D. 79, no technology in this category existed. People were overpowered by the rage of a mountain that they believed was a sign of the wrath of the heavens. People had to flee the city and a majority of them we killed by either inhaling to much smoke or other causes. This continued for over 18 hours. Therefore, the destruction of Pompeii is far worse than tripping over a tree root.

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A Mexican man walks into a bar, the bartender asks "haven't you got a damaged liver?" The Mexican replies "haven't you got a job to do?" The Mexican died 2 seconds later

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Why did the Asian man open up a Sushi restaurant? Because he had a fetish for cumming in sushi and giving it to strangers.

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Your dad is so fat that he is on a diet.

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What's worse than walking into a lampost? Your seven year old child accidentally finding and watching a sex tape that you made years ago.

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An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have a few drinks, then go to a club, where they amuse each other and those around them by completely slurring their words in their already very strong regional accents. Then they get a taxi back to the house of the Englishman as he lives nearest, and stay the night. The next morning, the Scotsman and the Irishmen walk home as they are still hungover and do not wish to risk driving.

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what's 9+10? 19, not 21

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Q. Pete and Repeat were sitting on a wall. Repeat fell off. Which one was left? A. Pete. Yep.

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What falls down but never gets hurt? A professional stuntman wearing protective gear.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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