how come bob felt 'under pressure'? because somebody dropped a dumpster on him

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What's a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick

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Why did one sausage become scared of the other sausage? The first Sausage said " Hello " and the second Sausage said " OMG a talking sausage!!!" ...Jk sausages dont talk.

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Why did a monkey fall out of a tree? He was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of a tree? Gravity. Why did the third monkey fall out of a tree? He was stapled to the second monkey.

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Fine, just remember that I want to help you, but you cannot ask me for help, and then throw a shitstorm of accusations at me, I have never worked for the feds and never will, I know nothing about their code of operations nor... Anything really. Let me give you an advice, I know that at least two people you trusted deeply betrayed you, but if you are not going to trust anyone again, then leave point zero while you still can do so alive. And no babe, this is not a threat, its advice.

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Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me!

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Jonny runs with scissors. He gets hit by a bus.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was a socially responsible chicken and his family was on the other side and every day walks his ass across the street to go to work to provide for his family, unlike your dead-beat ass.

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Why was the boy sad? His cookies are gone.

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how many licks did it take the boy to get to the center of a tootsie pop? he died of cancer

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Knock Knock Whos there Reality* Knock Knock *Opens Door*

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hihihihihihihihihihiihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihjhihhhihhihihihihihihiihihihihihihihihihihihihiihihiihihihihihihihihihihiihihihihiihihihi

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So an alien walks into a bar......... and everyone runs away secreaming because theres an alien in the bar.

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What do a woman and a female dog have in common? They were both annoying so I put them down.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? She won't have a pulse.

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Roses are Red, uh..uh..ahhhhh oh shit I just came that curse is true

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How can you tell if a woman is stupid? Yell the word "STUPID'' and see if she turns around.

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How many dead children can you fit in a garbage can? Give me a knife and i will find out

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How long did it take Jeff, a middle-aged man with a lifelong speech-destroying lisp, to overcome his impediment? Less than ten minutes, as carbon monoxide is a colorless, odorless toxic gas that eliminates oxygen at a rapidly-acting rate inside of small areas such as the car Jeff locked himself inside.

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Yo mama's so ugly that the majority of people find her physically unattractive, but I hear her personality if great.

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How do you find out how many Mexicans are living in the United States? Take a Census.

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What's worse than dying of boredom? ...Being stabbed.

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Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, He gave me AIDS, And I gave them to you!

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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