Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. Due to the height of the fall, one of his ribs pierced his heart and he also suffered extensive head trauma and internal bleeding due to the force when he hit the floor, where he lay in agony for several hours before dying a slow, painful death.

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I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road without their motives being questioned.

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What does Pontiac stand for? Nothing. Pontiac's were discontinued

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Why was the man so cold? He was in a fridge

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Why are soccer players sad? They couldn't play Football.

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a cat walks into a bar and orders a bowl of milk. the cat is then escorted out of the bar because a cat in a bar is unsanitary. and they do not serve milk.

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A Mexican and a black guy are in a car. Who's driving? The black guy because the Mexicans was recently aressted for a dwi and had his repealed. But lately he has worked towards cleaning his life up. They were actually driving to an AA meeting.

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Q. Why did the man walk away from his wife? A. Because he wanted to walk away from his wife.

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How do you make an apple puff? Put the apple in a large pan with some water. Cover and cook gently for 20-25 minutes until soft. Add sugar and nutmeg to taste. Transfer to a bowl and leave to cool. Cover with pastry and bake until well-risen and golden.

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What's worse then forced to eat frog legs? Xbox one

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Roses are Grey Violets are Grey lolololol Im a dog

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A list of comebacks: Hows ur face nancy grace ur mom ur face ur moms face take it to my butt, cuz ur the only one that gives a crap

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A man walked into a bar, he then fell to the ground screaming in pain.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Ken. Can I some and use your toilet, I really need a shit.

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why did the boy loose his job.... because he was only 14,dont know how he got it in the first place Chuckles

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ask me if i'm a tree are you a tree? No.

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Whats worse than finding a real joke on anti-jokes? -Nothing

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I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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Roses are red, violets are blue Most poems rhyme, but this one doesn't

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Why did the man trip over the kitten? He was blind.

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Q: What did the Rapist say to the Little girl before they got in to the Van? A: Get In the Van

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what did the lamp say to the hand? You turn me on

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Q: What's circlular and has two hands? A: A skinny person, i was kidding about the circular part!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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