What has 8 legs and 1 eye? 2 chairs and half a fish.

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What is the difference between your mom and a vacuum? The vacuum does not use your mom to clean the floor since it is an inanimate object and can not control people.

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How do you get a black guy to stop hanging around in your front yard? Hang him in the back yard.

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How long would it take for a clock to reach 12 It depends on which 12 it is going to land on and which time zone you are in but yet most clocks are not correct so it is very hard to tell

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dude... what would you do if i punched you in the face? i would pee on you

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Why did George Bush blow up the Twin Towers on 9/11? 9/12 was his girlfriends birthday.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because his village has been ravaged by small pox.

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A fish finds that his fishbowl is on fire. He escapes the bowl only to realize he is equally screwed.

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Theres this guy that got pulled over and the guy in the car said: I have AIDS the cop said: Oh, really when did you get them? I don't have AIDS

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What's the difference between an orange? A duck.

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Your mom's so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and foods with nutritional value!!!! Oh burn!!!!

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how do you starve a man who is on welfare? hide his food stamps under his work boots.

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You scream I scream We all screamed when the chicken crossed the road

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Q. Why was six afraid of seven? A. Because seven raped a three year-old child.

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Why was six afraid of seven You would be scared to if your name was six and you knew someone named seven

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Woman's rights

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While running away a burgular cut his hand on a piece of glass. He fell to the ground bleeding like crazy. What did the police say when he saw the burgular? You've been caught red handed.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Somebody who wants to come in.

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What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a person and one is an inanimate object

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What did the black guy say to the white guy running off the cliff? Watch out! You're running off a cliff!

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whats black and white and black and white and black and white? a penguin rolling down a hill whats black and white and laughing? the penguin that pushed him

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Can a rabbit jump higher than a tree? No. Trees don't jump

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What would the world be like without 1 direction it would still be the world but just without 1 direction

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops