A man decided to enter the local pun contest. He sent in ten puns. One of them was very witty and he won the contest and felt very good about himself.

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You arrive in the middle east. What is the first thing that you want to do? Leave

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An IRS agent named Harold Crick finds that he has the ability to hear a narrator comment on every moment of his life. He later becomes institutionalized in the Schizophrenic ward.

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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Why do Indian people smell like curry? They don't. Its an ignorant misconception.

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Why couldn't the college student get on the internet? He can't afford a computer.

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Why did the pirate have a peg leg? Diabetes

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What did Santa say when he came to drop off your toys? Nothing. Santa doesn't exist.

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Q: What's blue and smells like grass? A: Blue grass.

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if i have 2 bananas, and you have 2 bananas, then together we have 4 bananas what are the chances?

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What do black people eat for breakfast? Cereal.

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What did the homosexual find when he proceeded to his mailbox? His mail.

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Why don't I understand myself? Because I am an anti-joke and lack a self-aware existence.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? Names.

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Q: What do you call a black man with no arms and no legs? A: Whatever his first name is.

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Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road To Get To The Other Side

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Your dad walked into a bar. It was a gay bar.

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Woman's rights

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What did the Jew get for Christmas? A ride to a Concentrtation Camp.

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Why does the Green Giant's vegetables taste funny? He stands over his peas and corn.

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Q:Why did the kid drop his ice cream A:He was hit by a car

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Why did the New York Times cancel Otis Redding's subscription? Because he died.

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What happens if you confuse your male best friend's and your boyfriend's name during sex? Nothing, their both named Adam.

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A pirate walks into a doctors office with ship's wheel attached to his crotch. Pirate: "Arrrrrr, do ya accept Kaiser Permanente?" Doctor: "Yes, but there's a $20 co-pay."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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