Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, but she had anal hemorrhaging so it really hurt

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have amnesia, i'm Skepta

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What is red and cry's? A baby chewing on a razor blade

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How do my feet smell? Oh wait. They can't. Feet are not sentient independent beings and therefore cannot experience the five senses, including smell.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Who doesn't love finding money in your pocket when you go to put your pants on? a rape victim

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He had escaped from his farm and didn't understand the laws of jaywalking.

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What sentence on this site is the biggest cause of forever alone. "No comments yet. Be the first"

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What did the Anti-Semitic man say to the Jewish man beside him? Hello.

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How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Who cares? Why would a squirrel need to change a lightbulb?

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Who cut the cheese? It's sliced so evenly.

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A. Did you hear about the circus fires? b. They were intense. (in tents)

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What did the boy say after he stubbed his toe? Owww! I wanna have sex!!!

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How was my day, you ask? First of all, I don't own a day. And second of all, it hasn't ended.

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What's the difference between two telephone poles? T-shirts! Because motorcycles don't have doors!

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What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's green and shitty? A bootleg stick.

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Whats the difference of how a hot blonde and an ugly red head got in to the same collage with a sex addicted dean? Nothing they were both very smart inteligent women with respectables GPA

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Why didn't Joe's toaster work anymore? Because he dropped it into the bathtub with him.

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Why did the chicken cross the road ( The chicken says) I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without having morals questioned.

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im a dragon, no im not

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Q: how do you test the sharpness of a knife A: stab someone MR

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Dinosaurs are extinct.

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Whats green has 4 legs and would kill someone if it fell out of a tree??? A pool table.....

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Why did the boy fall of the swing? He had no arms or legs

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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