why did the man steal change from the tip jar? he wanted another state quarter for his collection

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate you, Go die in a hole.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How do you fit an elephant inside your car?: Starve it to death, then chop it in pieces.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's Chris Benoit up to? Just hangin' with his family

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the black guy flunk out of school? Because his socio-economic conditions and his lack of support from his parents didn't provide optimal learning conditions.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the little boy with cancer get for Christmas? Shot.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why is evan a lil poop? cause he pooped my poop all the pooping ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Roses are Red ?And sometimes yellow ? My mother is mellow ? Billy you have cancer ?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

What's the difference between a giraffe and an erection? An erection is much easier to obtain.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

It is so hot out here, that it could melt an ice cube that was once in the freezer!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Roses are red, Violets are blue, No, violets are VIOLET, That’s why they’re called “violets.” Edmund Spenser was an idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Once there was a baby ostrich name Bert. He was the cutest ostrich with those big black beady eyes, fuzzy feathers and funny wobbly baby ostrich walk. I knelt down and as Bert came running towards me as if I were his ostrich father about to protect him from something dangerous. As he got within arm’s reach I punched him so hard he turned into a baby kitten. I decided that Bert was an ...insufficient name for a baby kitten so I said to the purring ball of fuzz “I shall call you Turtle” a kitten named Turtle was a very hilarious conundrum. Things went well for an hour or two and then Turtle decided to pee on my tile floors which infuriated me because everyone knows that cat pee doesn’t come out of carpet! I decided to teach Turtle a football drill called kick the cuddly baby kitten so hard he turns into a koala bear. I sat Turtle on a football tee and suddenly our eyes met and he stared at me with the cutest face a kitten has ever made I took three steps back and turned back towards him. I stared into his big baby kitten eyes and then at a running sprint kicked him as hard as I could into the wall. There was a quiet sound like that of a space shuttle taking off into outer space. As I looked to see where my kick had sent Turtle soaring through the air, I found to my surprise, Turtle had turned into a cute cuddly baby raccoon. I walked across the room and scooped up the adorable baby raccoon. A raccoon named turtle was just too absurd so I decided to give the furry ball of warmth a new and more appropriate name. I stared into his cute raccoon eyes and declared aloud, “I shall call you Dorito!” I rocked Dorito calmly back and forth in my arms until he was fast asleep. A thought then entered my head, how funny would it be to put Dorito into a chip bag? I chuckled aloud and then decided my mind was set. I pulled a chip bag out of my backpack and carefully pulled the bag open and realized I’d been scammed! Inside the bag was a single Dorito chip. I then ate my Doritos.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

What's round and bounces A basketball No!!!!!!! You dummy!!! Then what? Boobies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

George Washington, a priest, a nazi and a jew are on a plane that's going to crash. There is only one parachute. George Washington says "For my country" and jumps off without a parachute. The priest says "For God" and jumps off without a parachute. The nazi says "For Hitler" and pushes the jew off and takes the parachute.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Who's there Not Suzie.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what do you call a black women that got an abortion a crime stopper

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why doesn't business go well for pizzeria Vesuvio? Their chef has been dead since many years.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A feminist walked into a bar and had her period

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you call a blue colored dog with seven legs, that oinks? not a dog...

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What's more boring than watching grass grow? Watching grass not grow.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Your momma's eyesight is so weak she needs a pair of glasses to see properly

thumb_up thumb_down +21

what do you call a black man flying a plane? a pilot you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: He was being taken to the slaughter house

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did Helen Keller name her dog? ruh-ruh-blah-blah-bluh

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops